Somedays...

...   Some days you just feel low.The pain and failed efforts that you suppressed and successfully ignored all these days suddenly start screaming their presence.All that you did patiently and religiously to improve things arent getting any results.You are surrounded by doubts..you start losing confidence that things will ever become better...you begin to get scared that you might get used to being like this..sometimes, a mistake which is smaller than a mistake costs you dearly..you are forcefully taught some small lessons the hard way...the very strength that pushed you all along comes crushing down on one single day..The problems are not seemingly great,but they are affecting you every day.You want to cry out loud but you find no voice,just the tears.

...  And exactly on the same day, some other things also choose to go wrong.That is not making you feel any better.A bad day has just become worse.All you want is to duck, shut your eyes and just turn off everything.You try to smile through it, pacifying yourself that tomorrow will be better.Or much better,just laugh at how your day had been,take pride in that fact that you survived it and hope for a better tomorrow.

Just like I did.

What happened to me today?Well here it goes..

There need not be real problems to feel low.Its just the feeling.

My first problem - Some zits have cropped up on my face and they refuse to go.It has been 40 days and my every earnest and  desperate attempt went in vain.I have begun to hate my mirror.I tried ignoring them but the fact remains that one zit can shatter a girl's heart like anything.

I learnt a stupid lesson.The hard way.

I had popped a tablet and without drinking water, went straight to bed almost immediately.That fellow of a pill decided to stop by my whatever pipe in the throat.Overnight, some reaction happened and Lo! there was an inflammation.Since 10 days, my throat is hurting like anything.I am unable to drink water.I get very hungry but cant swallow.My food intake has reduced to half.And the worst part? I am taking 4 BIG pills now.

How my day became worse ?

I was supposed to make cabbage paratha.I started out with interest.Put my entire heart while adding the ingredients.But things went wrong.I messed up.Added more water than required.Any amount of adding the flour dint help.I added more flour.That made the salt and chilly powder less.I added salt and chilly powder again.Cabbage looked scanty.So added more of cabbage.Now cabbage also oozes some water.The dough again became softer.This cycle of events went on until I was tired and fed  up.

With some moral support from Sush, I was able to make the parathas and my family was able to have dinner.

Now as I sit tired and vexed and totally disappointed at how my day had been, I am still able to smile.Because it is just a day.It was bad ,no doubt,but I fought it.

Tomorrow is going to be better.

PS : I borrowed the title from one of the bloggers that I follow, without her consent. But it sounded just apt for what I was going to write.

When to Like !

Whats wrong with the world !!? Here is somebody feeling very miserable and there are some people who like that ? People, Just because there is a LIKE button, and it is free , dont hit it.

Or has the definition of LIKE changed and I was not informed ? :P

A walk To reMembeR :\

We went for a stroll that night.I love evening walks.. it refreshes you like nothing.

I had been reading angels and demons and was very intrigued at the way science and religion were at loggerheads.
I had read sometime in school that galileo disproved and disputed  what was earlier believed that earth is flat and is the center of the universe and he was condemned for it.

I dint take it seriously then.

I had loved camerlengo all the while until the end.I was amazed at the way he described how science reduces the sunrise and the sunset to mere acts of neutrons and electrons..how it strips nature of its mystic beauty by explaining every phenomenon..how the beauty of ignorance and thereby the wonderment it fills us with is deprived of us.. how the faith we have in HIM is shaken when we are shown that not everything is a miracle of GOD but that of science.

I wanted to share this with Sush..while we walked... and I was animatedly talking . Sush gave the same look that I gave him when he talked about how he upgraded his mobile to icecream sandwich :|

We looked at each other and burst into peels of laughter. Now, there is no science behind this magic  :P

Some blatant truths

~ Almost everybody has a bad hair day.All these days I was thinking only my hair doesnt listen to me.

~ I just realised its a lame start.
~ Its easier to make the same mistake.You have less guilt.
~ Laugh at your own mistakes.There is never a better way to feel good about yourself despite the bad.

~ There are many things we do because our mind says so, and not because our heart felt so.Things would have been so much better had they been because you 'wanted' to and not because you 'should' do.
~ You think you can change him??Thats would be the biggest mistake of your life!
Learnt the hard way.Hmmph!
~Forgetfulness is bliss.A boon. Seldom do people realise.But I do.I dont remember the last time I cried, the last time I was mad, the last time I was hurt.
~Opposites attract.The question is ,will they last long ?
~Tum ho... by Mohit chauhan from Rockstar, just tugs at my heart.So painful..so endearing..so simple.His voice drags you along with him.You feel the seperation from your non-existent lover.
It was raining, I was driving, and this number started playing from my playlist.I had the best time for myself that day.
~I just strayed from the topic.
~Nothing brings out feminity like a well worn saree does.Ofcourse on a well-worked-out body.
~Reading does amazing things to you.You meet different kinds of people virtually ,observe them, learn from them, live a life you possibly cannot in reality.
~People at top positions might be enjoying a lot of power and authority at the workplace,but when they come back home, the boss is usually somebody else ;)
~We have become so paranoid these days that when somebody is being nice or offers to help without any expectations, we begin to question their motives.

Wouldnt you ??

Wouldnt you like to be surrounded by a few more people other than that boring nerdy loner while lunching at office..share a joke and discuss sports and politics?

Wouldnt you be happy if you had a few more people to count on other than your sister or brother when life throws you a challenge ?

Wouldnt you feel blessed when 2 people who claim to be friends come forward  when you need one lakh urgently ?

Wouldnt you feel more happy when there are people ,not in your relation, who feel equally elated when you tell them you just booked a house? Wont your happiness just be doubled when you rush straight to their homes with sweets and celebrate in whatever simple way you can?

Wont it be comforting to know and realise that you arent alone , and come what may, you can answer the situation straight in the face  with the support you have?

Wont you be forming good memories when you all catch up sometime on a weekend,watch a movie, complain about the spouses, talk ,laugh at your silly goof-ups,remember the last time you had such a good time ,forget how bad the day had been and just indulge in mindless banter?

Wont it be great to have people in your life when you achieve new milestones in your life.Like when you graduate..get your first salary..get married... become a father/mother .. when you bought a home...

Wont you die happily knowing there are people other than your immediate family who love you and will take care of whatever/whoever you are leaving behind ?

If your answer is NO to any of the above , you are being plain stubborn. You either dont know how it feels like or pretending to be doing good without it.

It might involve some efforts to maintain that kind of rapport, you may have to go through those painful clean-up after get-togethers, go some extra miles to help, extra expenditure that go as gifts , keeping in touch etc  but is it not worth the effort ?

Arent these the people who make life survivable? Who add some fun to your otherwise monotonous life?Lend a shoulder when you need it, pat your back for your small accomplishments,who are a family outside family?
A little effort builds lifetime bonds..so why resign yourself within the walls of your home?Why be restricted to your own little world of Mum, Dad,Wife, Husband, Kids,Home,TV ?

Happiness is the only thing in the world that multiplies when shared.So share it as much as you can.Celebrate as much as you can.Laugh as much as you can.So much that even pain feels ashamed to touch you !

PS: To all those people I know who are reclusive and are immersed in their own world.There is more to life than you think. Just try and you will know what you are missing !

Showers...

                                 There is something charming about the rains..something romantic that fills up the air.. something so heavenly and divine and enchanting that I can just sit and gaze and marvel at the  tiny droplets falling from the sky in a perfectly straight line...

I can just sit and smile at the way the  rain drops fall rythmically on the windshield ,sliding down the glass in a pattern..and the wiper playfully removing any traces of their existence..

I can watch people scurrying for cover...colorful umbrellas opening up and bobbing over tiny heads..

I can gape at the way our vision becomes a blur...as the rainy curtain is brought down..and all you can see is the downpour in its full glory..

I can take a moment to slip into a trance...a silent rainy moment to myself...a moment of solitude where you gather all the lingering thoughts..and if you are with him, you also run a chance of getting into the ultimate intimate moment...

Its fun wading through muddy waters...with the kechad making a mess of your pants...the flip-flops splashing water with every step...and that reminds of the cute surf excel ads...Sigh! Wish I could feature in them...

I love it when it drizzles...soft showers gently brushing your face..not too hard, not too soft, just the right touch.A lovely evening, a bike ride coupled with a slight drizzle, a shoulder to lean on and hot hot pani puri on the road side.. mmmmm.....

The roads look beautiful, with numerous reflections adorning the streets..the evenings even more spectacular as moonlight graciously borders the edges...Everything comes to life...the trees look greener,the skies are clearer.. the ponds are blue-er...they all look  like straight out of a painting, just the way we want. Beautiful. As if all the ugliness has been washed away. But despite all these,there is also something sad about monsoons.I always think about the many tears that get washed away in the rain.. the many cries that get stifled under the thunders..the many crimes that go unnoticed.. many things that go unsaid..and the many sobs that the umbrellas hide...

Hmm... Why is it that some of the most beautiful things in this world have a dark side to them... :|


PS : I am dying to get a picture of myself in the rain, with an umbrella and all... And also one with Sush.. just our feet,on the road.. our reflections in the tiny puddles.I also have the title ready in my mind...:D
But when it rains , there is no one to click us, and when there is , there is no rain :(

I love you..but Hate you too... !

I hate it when you dont share the same interest as me..but I love it more when you do it for me..

  I hate it when you leave the plate on the table after eating.. but love it more when you promptly go back to pick it up when you meet my glare..

I hate it when you act all sane and calm .. but love it more when you show up your crazy side ..
I hate it when you dont help me in the kitchen .. but love it more when you massage my hands mockingly..

I hate it when you dont enjoy watching hindi movies because you dont understand..  but love it more when you take me to one and keep asking "what did he say??"

I hate it when we fight but love it more when we make up..

I hate it when we dont share the same craze....but I love it more when you let me be me...

I hate it when you dont even give me a glance sometimes ...but love it more when you tell me I look beautiful when I least expect it..

I especially love the look in your eyes and the mischievous smile

I hate it when you dont find getting wet in the rain fascinating ...but love it more when you agree to walk with me in the rain under an umbrella...

I hate the way you love me more than I do .. but secretly, I love the way it makes me happy..

I hate the way I have so many things to write about you, but love the way it makes me feel proud of having you...

 

PS : This is to 'US' as we celebrate 100 days of togetherness !

Declaration...

After days of decaying and non-stop cribbing about the not-so-happening life and ranting about how I could change things but cannot /did not just because laziness refused to budge, I finally made up my mind to declare here, on my blog what I would like to do to get that change I am craving for.For one thing,I believe that if i say out loud instead of thinking to yourself, you get better results.

To be reasonable enough to myself, blog every week   every 2 weeks.

I have been stalking bloggers around in the blogger world to get the required inspiration, to get the kick.I leave their blog with awe..and then read my blog and get disappointed.I promise myself to write only a great post like they do...or none.. and so this lull.But then I also realised, great posts come only if you keep writing..and keep thinking.So here u go !

I will also post a picture/sketch I have taken/made relevant to what I have written

Listen to a lot of music.

Read a lot of books.

Exercise.Its important to look good and feel good.
This,I have been pledging to do everyday.."Let me sleep all I want today.I will be working out from tomorrow".I am still waiting for that tomorrow.*sheepish smile*

Let me end this with what dawned upon me.

You shape your life.What it is and what it is not is solely based on what you are and what you are not!

*Ouch! Its heavy!**

PS : If you notice,I have already broken my resolution 2.There is no sketch/picture tagged to this post.Boohoo !

One Saturday Morning..

Good Morning.

It really is a pleasant morning.

Time : 7 AM



Sipping coffee early in the morning with nothing on mind...matchless!



It had rained last night and the sun was too lazy to steer clear the clouds and shine on us bright and sunny.Just like I was too lazy to snuggle out of my cosy comforter.But I pulled myself together and stepped out.

What I saw..what I felt..what I heard...what touched me...what I smelt made the perfect beginning to my day.The trees were swaying happily..yeah there still are trees around the colony I stay in.The gentle breeze brushing my face as I sat in the verandah..gazing out aimlessly,lost in my own world , happy that it is weekend and WORK thoughts suspended for 2 days...The wind chime jingling in harmony...The hot coffee brewing in the kitchen, the smell just made a perfect blend to what I was experiencing...A pressure cooker whistling distantly..oh my ! Someone had already begun their day.


 

                             

                The canopy of the trees in our lane make for a pleasant sight.

  This is completely different from what is pushed into my face everyday.I come out of the house only after 8:30 to go to office.What happens between 6:30 am to 8:30 am is a frenzied madness inside closed doors.That is anybody's guess and anybody's story.To put it in short, Wake up with closed eyes,walk to the bathroom with closed eyes,take a shower,by now your eyes must be half open,use your hands to wrench your wretched sleepy eyes open ,rush to the kitchen to help with the chores, rush back to bedroom to wake up Sush, rush to the kitchen to fix up lunch boxes, rush back to the bedroom to dab some powder on your already sweating face,rush all around the house to collect things you carelessly dumped last night, rush your breakfast down your throat, which very conveniently gets stuck and you have to struggle,drink water to make it a smooth slide,rush to office and rush back home which almost makes it 8:30 pm.
(I am sorry that was not short  :D)

Now after passing 5 days like that.. Saturday and Sunday ,you just want to banish 'rush' from your life.So after snoozing the alarm almost 10 times from 7am to 9 am, you get up.And you get up solely out of guilt because it is 9 and the rest of the inhabitants of the house are already up.I am that kind of person who cherishes even 5 minutes of extra sleep.If I am woken up at 9, I beg my dad for 5 more min because it just doesnt seem enough .Its an altogether different matter that the 5 min that I earned,I spend fretting it would be over soon :\ 

The point that I was getting to is, Mr.Sun,Miss Breeze and Miss Leaves stand ignored even on weekends.But today was different.I woke up early and I am thankful I did.

Because, I was able to see nature in all its glory again...
Because, I realised waking up early without 1000 thoughts fighting for prioritization , feels good..
              (yuck ! what a technical line )
Because, I was able to appreciate the world I live in..
Because, it made me write this extremely long post after a lull :|

PS : This is not what I had intended to write.I desperately wanted to break the silence on my blog by writing down something..just about anything.... I thought I if was able to manage 10 lines,that would make my day.But look !

Post-marriage battles

Many things change after marriage.There are many things that you start doing for the first time..and there are many things that you do for the last time.

I cleaned my bathroom for the first time yesterday.Armed with a broomstick , I swished and swashed around the tiny room until every tiny speck of dust, hair, mosquitoes, and stains vanished. I proudly patted myself and announced my accomplishment at the dinner party hosted by my parents that night.
The next morning, I could see everything promptly in place.. the dust ..the hair..the mosquitoes.

My wardrobe used to be a pile of clothes that came tumbling down as soon as you open the door.But now, its a neatly folded pile.I am arranging my closet every week. I am losing my traits boohoo !

The only thing I did for the first few weeks of marriage - get our lunch boxes ready in the morning , and wash them clean in the evening because the maid doesnt make an entry until after 9 am. And  make our bed.  I did these 3 things religiously,sincerely because winning over my sasu ma was my only goal . (As if she would with just these 3 petty tasks)

My mom-in-law is an early riser and a busy woman.When she doesnt have enough work to do..she creates it ( thats what my sis-in-law says :D ) and gets herself busy.I wake up with the cooker whistling at 6:15 am.And by the time I take bath, get ready and step out of the bedroom , which is usually at 7, breakfast and lunch would be ready on the table.I meekly smile at her..sheepishly ask if there is anythingleft for me to do for which she replies a NO with a broad smile. Highly disappointed by my performance, I go back to my routine of getting our lunch dabbas ready, my heart begging for that one chance to prove myself !
"mom-in-law..one chance..I need one chance to prove myself.."

And that chance came. My hardwork and alertness paid off ! I made  pav bhaji..beans curry..bagara baingan..zeera rice ( :D) .. cauli-flower curry..and sambar ..and uthapam on different days. And thank god they dint hate it !

I am happy the way my married life is shaping up.My in-laws and sush have been very supportive. They give me a chance to do things my way.They have been good enough to eat what I made and they dint banish me from the kitchen !Sush has been good enough to call me up in lunch to give feedback on the curry I made.It has been positive so far *wink*

After over 1 month of the marital voyage, I am still on board !

Maggi ! Slurrrp !

The air had already begun to turn chilly as we negotiated tricky turns on the ghats and inched coser and closer to Shimla.We stopped for snacks..and with the air trying to tingle our senses, maggi was the most obvious choice. I have always loved maggi for some reason.Its simple to make, yet yummy.

As it slid smoothly down our throats,the hot vapours from the pallette brushing our face warmly, and each of us licking every drop that dangled from our lips...we thought it was a perfect start for the rest of the trip and a perfect end for the evening.

Long live whoever invented maggi !

Jitters...

I was alone in my hotel room..packing my things.I was travelling back to India the next morning.

As I sat thinking what was next, it suddenly occured to me that I would be married in 2 weeks..my whole life was going to change.. The rest of my life was not going to be nowhere closer to the 25yrs that I lived..my future is  going to be no way like my past.. my priorities would change..my family would change..I used to shout at home..now I have to get used to being shouted at ( worst case).. I will have to cook..look after the household chores..look after the needs of in-laws, husband.. I never even knew such things even existed all these days...
Suddenly something came all over me.. I got restless... I dint want to go back.. I was scared.I tried to put these thoughts away, but simply couldnt. What was I running from ? Was it Sushant..? ?Heck no..I have known him for 5 years...and he was the best thing that could have happened to me.. Ours was going to be an inter-caste marriage.. Naturally their priorities and ours differed and we had a few arguments too " Why cant this happen later.."   " Why is this so important..?? " "You just dont care about our priorities..."
Was all this taking a toll on me ? Was I worried about my choice ?  Will  he remain the same ? Will he stand by me when I need him ? He was always there before..then why was I thinking about it now ?Was the fact that I have to live with this decision of mine for the rest of my life wrecking my mind ? Was I worried that it may not turn out to be the perfect wedded life that I always dreamt? No.. I was sensible enough to know that there is no such thing called perfect.. Its just how you see things and handle them and keep them close to perfect. Then what was it ???

I had tears in my eyes when my wedding got postponed from oct 13th..I had so badly wanted to get married then. What is happening to me now ?I had a feeling I was not ready. I had started loving my bachelor days more..I was going crazy .. I wanted to talk to somebody..go out..divert my mind but the reality kept staring hard in my face.There was no escaping... Is this what is called marriage jitters.?Whatever it is called,I was having it then and it felt no good.

I never expected  I would feel that way.That made me feel even more worse.

Now.. as I am writing this, I realise I was so silly then. All my fears were baseless..useless .. and I was utterly shameless.That was purely pre-marital jitters.Nothing more.I am as happy as I can be and I couldnt ask for more. :)

Mushy happenings...

As the sun started to set..and dark clouds took over the pleasant blue sky..we were all reduced to silhouttes in the bus.Under the cover of darkness, I could see many pair of heads coming closer..and 2 silhouttes becoming one .As the mountains slowly melted into darkness, I had the chance of watching all this as Sush got himself busy feeding his fish ( its a game in my mobile...)

As he ecstatically told me that his pond of fish grew from 10 to 70,I could only smile and thank the stars for keeping me company...

:)

Against all Odds :)

I got married , exactly 10 days ago, on April12th.

Besides marrying the man I love, what made it more special was it came off peacefully,without any hiccups.Two days of grand affair, thousand guests, variety of rituals, giving away gifts, collecting gifts..all was done with perfect coordination.

Then what were the Odds?

There was a hailstorm in hyderabad 2 days before my wedding!

Curfew was declared in our colony for almost a week.We had a hard time moving around and shopping.
The beauty parlour I most counted on , was to my horror, closed due to the curfew. I almost cried.

Sush's sister lost 60k rupees in the wedding chaos.Somebody picked her purse.

Just as I was about to enter their house, putting my right foot forward first, his sister fell down, flat on her face!

All these made our wedding even more memorable..for others too ! :D

sucker of a start !

It was a horrible start ! Man ! From work point of view.

I was woken up rudely from sleep by the operatiopns team calling from client site. There was some locha in the cycle and I had to get it going again.
That was on Jan 1st 2012.

I has 1-1 with my manager. And I wasted it like water. I gave an impression that "it was the happiest working place ever..working for 12 hours a day was the nicest thing to do..and all I am expecting is more work to keep me happy " When I walked out of the room.. I felt soo dumb.

Jan 3rd.

I had to run a job ( mainframe language it is) on 4th. But I scheduled it a day before.A mistake. A very bad,silly mistake , which left us hungry,sleepless and restless.
The entire day was spent trying to cover the damage.

The promos dont look promising.I can hear "This is just the beginning lady !"  echoing .
Fingers crossed!