A - Autumn

Autumn - the beginning and an end.

She saw the leaves change color.The warm summer air was turning crisp and chilly.The streets looked vibrant. As if nature dressed up colorfully in bright orange  and magenta and decided to make the world a beautiful place.It was that of the year yet again where she felt mixed emotions. Of being inspired and sad.

For her, its a reminder of how change is the only constant thing.It brings in her a feeling of helplessness as she tries desperately to hold on to things she doesn't want to let go. Her friends, family,her small yet beautiful,cozy home, the city that she called her own. She felt so much at peace here.Its probably the comfort of knowing.Knowing that she will be happy here.

She always wondered how the tree felt, when a leaf changed color.A leaf that started out small and young, but strong now over the months.Which it nurtured and nourished every day. Knowing that it was only a matter of time and a gust of wind for the leaf to break off and fall lifeless to the ground.Knowing that it would be stripped and naked to the core.

Autumn taught her that all things come to an end.She was amazed at the way they accepted their fate.How they spread cheer and happiness until the last leaf.How they braved chilly winds every night , fought to see one more morning and then gracefully succumbed.Succumbed to the way it is always supposed to be.Bare and lifeless.

It taught her to let go of the warmth and embrace the winter.

PS : Fall is always beautiful but I cannot help but feel a tinge of sadness that the beauty is going to give way to a much sober landscape, stripped of all the glory.Its as if I am yet to come to terms with the circle of life.

This is the first post from A-Z challenge .This is the first time I am doing something of this kind.Lets see how it goes. Self imposed deadline - Feb 15th.

The noose got tightened, for women.

The 16 year old Delhi "child" who raped and killed a girl is let loose. Because he is a juvenile and has a chance to reform himself.

Dr. Achal Bhagat says punishing rapists is not the solution. All criminals should be allowed a chance to reform and society should help in creating such opportunities.

Bullshit.

I say kill them point blank. People who are capable of performing such heinous acts should not be allowed to live for a second. We are not at a point where we value such people's lives. We have a growing abundance of population, creeping into such uncontrollable numbers that a few dead criminals wont topple the world balance.

What do you make of the case where a young boy who raped a young girl brutally and then killed her, has been let go because he was not 18 yet? If he is not punished deservingly, what message are you giving to other under 18s? Why do you need this guy to transform and live a respectable life? What good is he to our society ? Even if he doesn't commit another rape, more out of fear of punishment, it is justice NOT delivered. If the girl were alive, how do you explain to her why the guy who tore her apart and threw her on the road is free now."Nirbhaya, he is just a kid. Give him a chance, will ya? You are anyway dead." 

Are you going to argue that karma will take care of him ? That God will punish him for his deeds ? That what goes around comes around? Then why are laws made? Why are there jails and courts and trials ?

Don't you want to send a strong message that such acts wont be tolerated ? Not by returning awards, but by actually punishing the offender. How about killing him ?Or better still, break his arms and legs as a reminder of what he did to a girl.As a horrifying example of what the fate would be of those who have no qualms tearing up a girl's intestine or pushing a rod through her vagina. How about treating criminals like criminals for a change?

I recently watched a Telugu movie, Kumari 21 F. The husband of the heroine chains his four friends in a secret place, feeds them Biryani once a week and then would beat them to pulp.Every week.
Because the four friends raped his wife.
I never saw a more fitting vengeance. Death is an easy punishment. Instead, let them live, and make them die everyday. I truly believe in "What you sow, so shall you reap". And helping Karma do its bit before it is too late.

Sorry for my violent thoughts, but my only concern is that the punishment being meted out is not proportional to the crime that has been committed. More emphasis is being laid on the hope of bettering the criminal than providing justice to the victim. The pain and anguish of the family of having lost their girl to some animals has no relevance in the books of justice.By releasing this criminal, the noose around a woman has only tightened.

There was an ad doing its rounds on facebook. It was trying to promote that the women in a family must share the uncomfortable situations they face on the roads with their sons, husbands and brothers. To create awareness in them on how it feels like to be treated like that.

It really is a good idea. But I just hope she is not held wrong for what happened to her. It somehow always is a woman's fault.

A glorious day!

I stepped on the weight scale with guilty nervousness. I had been gorging on food for the past few days and haven't been exercising. I was bracing myself for impact, getting ready for a huge disappointment and a bagful of regrets.

But voila ! It read 58.5 kgs, an all time low in the past 3 years! Dont ask me how ! Sush didn't believe me , so he asked me to get onto the scale again. It showed 58.9. I have no clue where those 400 gms got added from in one minute, probably my happiness enlarged my shape, but that number was still awesome.

So it was a great start .

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Then later in the day, I saw happiness , pride  and a sense of contentment in the eyes of the one person I admire and respect the most. Okay, I dont know about the last two, but I definitely saw happiness :D And you don't know how that made me feel. I was happy like a child, reliving that scene over and over in my head. It made me think I am finally good at something and the best part- I started to believe that !
Most of the times it so happens that, when people tell me I am good at something, I don't trust them. Or, I don't trust myself. I always wonder if it was little bit of luck that contributed to whatever perception I was able to create.

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And then J.O came over and said he missed talking to me ! With that boyish smile and eyes ! I was floored !

"I feel I don't get to talk to you anymore..."

"Why not..."

He shrugged and said.." We used to talk a lot more often before.. not anymore.."

I just hope I don't do something sheepish *_*

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Just when I was wondering how come Monday turned out to be so wonderful, I realized it was not Monday. It was Tuesday!

Anyways - cheers to a happy day!







 

30 before 30

This has been going around in the blogger world and I thought why should I be left out !? We wish to do a 100 things, we challenge ourselves many times, we even pen it down and hang it in the bedroom. But most of us, and I stand first there, lack the discipline to see through its completion.

So here is yet another try. A lot of things have begun to interest me lately. There is an urge to learn, try out new things, travel to new places, taste different cuisines, read, be creative, do some DIY projects. Basically to be productive. As the saying goes "Make hay while the sun shines", I want to add as many feathers to my cap as I can before the interest dies down.

Here is a list that I wish to do before my birthday next year. A lot of them are silly, small, one-day and also few- hour goals. And there are a also few that needs discipline and persistent learning. The small ones are important to provide the necessary motivation to stick to the plan. There is no greater feeling that striking off one item from this list!

And 30 because it makes for a very good title :P


Hobbies/Interests

1.Join swimming classes - CHECK!
2.Make 5 wall paintings
3.Win this damn tournament ! - LOST and HOW!
4.Read atleast 3 books
5.Organize and participate in a cultural event
6.Write one post every week.
7.Learn dancing to Nagada sang dhol
8.Get that butterfly wall décor project done - CHECK!
9.Learn the "smokey-eye" makeup - CHECK!
10.Learn to curl hair at home
11.Pick up words from a foreign language , like German. Be able to speak short sentences.
12. Learn to cook 10 new items

Health

13. 1 hour of physical activity atleast 4 times a week ( tennis or jog or walk)
14.Sleep by 10:30 every night
15. Do yoga every morning for 30 minutes

Professional

16. Get a management certification done
17. Learn a new technology
18. Figure out what I wanna be. My long term goal.

Travel

19. Visit Bahamas(if no visa problem) or Alaska
20. Go camping

Personal

21.Light a deepam before the Gods every single day.
22.Revive old friendships/relationships
23. Start caring a bit about self-grooming.
24. Read a magazine for atleast 10 minutes a day
25. Read about one topic happening around the world everyday
26. Figure out what makes me happy. What I wanna do with my life besides work. In what way I can do something for the society I live in.
27. Make 5 people happy. As in real happy.
28. Create awareness about "wastage of food".

Attitude

29. Stop judging people. Be open minded in liking and loving people.
30.  Keep learning. And stop being afraid of failing.


Deadline : 29th Oct 2016.

Saint or a sinner

I want to see hurt

I want to see pain

I don't mind crying once

if I could laugh once again

 

I want to fall

I want to rise

I don't mind being at fault

If I could be a bit wise

 

I want to love

I want to be loved

I don't mind the strings

if meaning is what it brings

 

I have my desires

I have my dreams

I don't mind being selfish at times
even if the whole world screams

  

They say don't get attached

repent you will, get hurt you will,

what's the point of living I say

if there is no emotional thrill

 

Learn from the lows

Appreciate the highs

Open your arms

And just embrace life

 

Life is a blank canvas
let the emotions paint
I would rather be a sinner
than be a Saint.

 

 

 

 

2014.

Irrational. Logic less. Crashing dreams. Bottomless pit. Sleepless nights. Hopelessness. Beyond control. Untold fears. Crossed fingers. Harsh realities. Unfazed faith. Hypocrisy. Desperate measures. Only time will tell. Hope time heals.

That was how most of 2014 was.

For the first time in my life, I desperately wished that God exists and that he will take care of us.


This was a year I wish could be erased from my life, but what it taught me was something that I would always value. They say "Forget the pain, but always remember what it taught you". You become a different person. You either crumble under the pressure or come out strong. You either try to escape it or try to solve it.

I was being the first type of person..until something that I read on facebook changed the way I thought. I got my strength from a facebook post , of all the places and people. It was funny in a way that it was from the most unexpected source.

"You may not control all the events that happen you , but you may choose not to be reduced by you.Above all, be the heroine of your life.. Not the victim."

Maybe that was God's way of passing his message to me.

2014 taught me not to be a hypocrite. We say a 100 good things, but we seldom practice when it is our turn. I was doing the same and this gave me a chance to check my self and act.

It taught me patience. It taught me to deal with the most irrational of situations and most delicate of circumstances. And for the first time, I acted not for myself, but for somebody I love.

It taught me to really understand. Understand and accept. Accepting a situation helps you deal better with it. It gives you strength and peace of mind.

I learnt that things always get better. If you have the willingness to search for happiness, you will find it even in the darkest of hours.

I saw a totally different him. My respect for him increased tremendously. I hate myself for the times I left his side. All that he needed was a shoulder to rest when he was tired, and I denied him that.

It taught me not to take anything for granted. It can be YOU anytime. But that doesn't mean you have to live in fear. It means that "DO" what you want while you can. Go places when there is a chance. Live like there is no tomorrow.

2014 prepared me for life. It toughened me up. Now I am ready .



PS : This was sitting in my drafts since a long time..just happened to post it now.

Erika

She is creating ruffles in the entire region. She is making a few of my team members relocate, forced the  management to enforce a freeze and also postponed a production deployment.

No I am not talking about a "hot" employee. Erika is the hurricane that's making its way to Florida and the Caribbean.

She is creating a lot of flutter. We are getting emails to update emergency contact numbers, to stock up our homes with enough food and water, keep the car fuelled. She also triggered conversations about dying and who will inherit the legacy of support management.

I am excited. I have never seen a hurricane. I don't wish for anything drastic or life threatening, but I really hope Erika lives up to the little expectations I have !

And I really hope I have communicated clearly to whoever grants wishes that it should not be life threatening. An experience of sorts, a slight jhatka. I have more often than not been severely reprimanded for having such idiotic ideas, but experiences maketh life.


PS : Nothing happened. Erika ditched us . Not even a drop of rain. It was business as usual.

Ritual.

"Had a birthday party in office Amma. Don't wait for me .. have your dinner ". She giggled as she hung up the phone.It was time for their evening ritual. Of panipuri and coconut water. As she removed the scarf from her face and he removed the helmet, the pani puri walla greeted them with a smile and started making their usual order. "Garmagaram" panipuri followed by a meetha.

"you still want the coconut water ?" He teased when she finished licking the last traces of the masala. "You don't drink water after eating ? Its just like water !" she slammed back.

This was an everyday routine that both loved to do.


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"Ting!" Her cell phone chimed and a picture of Farhan showed up. He had taken a selfie while having his favourite blackbean burger in the hospital cafeteria and the picture was goofy, making her chuckle. She noticed he was wearing the striped blue shirt. That always made him look young. How she missed him.
She was still at her desk, wrapping up an article she was writing. She adjust her hair a little, pouted her lips and took a selfie. "Muah!" She sent him her picture. Her eyes scrolled down at the history of conversations that transpired between them. The last message was just this morning." Good morning beautiful! I hope I can see you tonight .."

Both were waiting for Sunday - the only day they get to be together.

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They retired to bed early that night. She was reading a novel..and her face shone in the dim bedside lamp. He suppressed a laugh as her facial expressions changed while reading the book. He didn't want her to know he was looking at her.

She was startled by sudden sound of shooting. The war had started and he was fully involved in it. It was his favourite game "Clash of clans". She wondered what was so interesting..he had been playing since 2 years now. Nothing could disturb him then. His fingers were moving frantically, probably to replenish his weapons. He looked very focused to win this war. As always. And he would lose. As always. His childish antics charmed her. The boyish side of him kind of filled the stark vacuum of their childless home.
She ran her toes  up his legs, trying to irritate him. No reaction. She gave up and went back to her book.

In two minutes, she was being tickled all over and their laughter faded into the night..

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The creek glistened in the shining sun, sparkling as if covered with a thousand diamonds. The sun was about to set, creating a mesmerizing blanket of sheer beauty on its way down. This was the time he liked the most. It always amused him how the sun, which was shining mightily one moment, slowly faded , without much ado.Without much ego.  How he wished humans behaved that way.

There were a few evening joggers. He sat on the bench, his usual spot. Under a tree. From here, he could watch the hues changing. The skies switching shades from a pleasant blue to a much more somber grey. A goose that was trotting around him all this while, suddenly took flight across the creek.

He felt close to nature. It allowed him to think.

Within no time, it was dusk and then pitch dark.

 

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 Its funny how a routine can bring about that missing spark. Its supposed to be boring , right? I guess its probably because of the comfort we find in each other. In what we do.The predictability of something that is so important to you , that you can let go , and look beyond the seemingly ordinary liaisons. The sweet nothings actually create an emotional connection. You don't plan it, it just happens. Every day, as naturally as it can be. These moments are so simple in their existence that for an outsider, the magic of the moment is often impalpable.

It just takes two hearts and a little bit of devotion for a routine to become a ritual.

Childhood..

Running on the roads along with spare tyres. Collecting pepsi crowns. Marbles. Thokkudu billa. Ice gola. Color pepsi in long plastic covers. Housie housie with sarees . Hide n seek in the parking lot- amidst scooters and cars. Kho Kho. Gully cricket with a team that had 8 yr olds to 18 yrs olds. Broken window panes. Fighting for balls. Getting drenched under the water hose.

Doordarshan. Srimaan ji Srimati ji. Chitrahaar. Ruthuraagalu. Chandrakaantha. Mahabhaarat. Rangoli. Shaktiman. Disney hour. Tom n Jerry. Aahat. Zee horror show. Raja aur Rancho.

Rough notes with left over pages of used books. Multi-colored pens. Smell of fresh new notebooks. 

Enid Blyton. Secret Seven.Scamper.Jack.George.Peter.Colin.Barbara.Pam.Scamper.Famous Five.Julian.Dick.George.Anne.Timmy.Five Find-outers.Frederick Trotteville a.k.a Fatty.Larry.Daisy.Pip.Bets.

Tinkle.Chamataka.Kalia.Hodja.Tantri.Suppandi.Shikari Shambu.Kapish.Uncle Anu and Uncle Pai

Hardy Boys.Frank and Joe
Agatha Christie.Jeffrey Archer.Irving Wallace.Arthur Hailey

One scooter, 4 people - the biggest luxury.

Stealing one rupee to buy osmania biscuits - the biggest guilt.

Reading - favorite pastime.

Exams - the biggest fear.

Homework - the only responsibility.

Tirupati - the ultimate holiday destination.

Julian of Famous Five - Biggest crush

Gokul Chat - the only hangout spot

Tank bund - favourite Sunday destination

Coming to think of it, I was blessed to have a beautiful childhood.All I have  now is just memories, actually, vague memories.It just takes second for a moment to become past, to become a memory among hordes of others.This is what I remember of my childhood, etched somewhere in the corner of my brain.I am afraid I will lose this too...

How was yours ? And what is it that you remember the most of your childhood ?

Gully Cricket.

Ice Gola

Marbles

Family on a Scooter

The other woman

I heard them laugh in the other room

Cheerful banter it seemed

How can he be happy without me

Was the first thought that came to me

The lazy times he spends with her

The stray strands of hair that he removes from her face

How I wish that was me

For his attention, it has become a race

Its hard for me to accept

that somebody else is also important to him

Its even harder to realize that

he can love somebody else as much as he loves me

The distance is growing between us

all that matters now is her

Why doesn't he see what it is doing to me

Have I become a blur?

However hard I try, I cannot  just ignore

It is eating me from inside.

My heart aches to share him

A part of me already died

I dont know why I feel jealous

I dont know why I bother

Despite knowing the fact that 

The other woman is his mother.

PS : This can be a mother's feelings too, when her son gets married. This is just from where I stand :)