The empty cup

She looked out of the window,sipping her hot cocoa, the hot flames misting a small portion  of the glass door of her patio.She ran her fingers over it..doodling her name.

It started as a slight drizzle first but now it was gaining strength.It was still gentle..but firm as if saying it was here to stay.

Rain somehow made her nostalgic.She was amused at how it brought back memories buried in time.Maybe because you suddenly feel grateful for the warmth of your house..the warmth of the loved ones beside you,she thought.It breaks the pace at which you were running and lets you sit and ponder.It gives you those precious moments to yourself where you just sit back and let your mind take a free trip down the memory lane.

What she loved the most about rain was it gave hope.Everything looks so beautiful and perfect that you begin to believe that you can be happy all over again.That you can start afresh.

She looked at the empty cup on the tea-poy and felt lonely.She missed the second cup which would have been there had he been there.Her thoughts went back to that day they both sat in the very same couch,sipping coffee,staring at the rain pouring away in all its glory.It was a long while ago.

She remembered she was hungry and she had mentioned that to him.He was lost in his own world and didnt respond.

"I am hungryyyyy" she reiterated, a little louder this time.

This time he had turned. "What do you want me to do..cut a body part of mine and offer you to eat ?" He had said with a naughty grin on his face.They had both laughed then.It still echoed in her ears.

That was 40 years ago.Its funny how she still remembered every detail of it.Its the rain,she again thought.It revived memories she had long forgotten.If only rain could bring him back.She always found the withered flower spring back to life after it rained.If only....

She sighed,picked up her cane and limped back into the house,pushing away tears that blurred her eyes momentarily .

Broccoli

Ummmmmm...

How many of you like the smaller version of a bushy green tree with a thick foliage ?

I absolutely love it.I love how it turns green when you boil it.The smell it oozes out.I am still not sure if I like its taste..because I inadvertantly devour it for its color.I find it very tempting..beckoning ...And when you add carrots to it, you just cannot resist the combination.Green.Orange.Deadly.

I made this Broccoli-egg casserole for breakfast one day and it turned out yummy.

OK.I lied.It was not that yummy.Ok.I didnt make it right.But it was worth a try.

Falling down...

Nobody likes falling down.They get up and try to go on.But life is sometimes cruel and you fall down again.You pick up the pieces and try to move on with whatever you got.. but there is always somebody out there who tries to keep you down.Even if it means he has to go down with you.

If  you are strong, the harder you fall, the stronger you bounce back.The higher you go.Only to fall down with a bigger thud. You try to get a stronger foothold..and just when you think you are stable, just when you think you can handle yourself, you find yourself rolling down.Not knowing where you are going.You dont know in which direction , but just that it is "down".

You hear laughter all around. You hear closely, and realise that you are laughing too.Loudly.You are enjoying the fall. Because it lets you get up.Because you have nothing to lose.Because you think you wont be hurt.Because you love the bouncing back and its fun to try to find your feet.

Thats what a Bouncer does.It gives you the last laugh when you fall.


PS : Ever got that moment where you can be a child again?This was mine !

Sorryyyy it was dramatic !

We went to this farm in DC with my family which had the bouncy thing.We jumped like crazy over this..falling ..rolling.. getting up and falling again.

I suddenly thought..where was this child in me all this while? I missed being that little kid .Oh shoot.. !I can be a kid now !

I dont know if my in-laws were staring..or glaring.. or wondering .. I thoroughly enjoyed myself ! I am sure they would tie me up the next time we see a slide...or a bouncer :P

Couldn't capture sush...he went soo high :P

With Sashi..

He was the guy who was making us fall..:P

And he..

Home alone...

Home alone.Watching TV but feeling lonely.Tried to write but not in mood.Tried to read but ..sorry didnt try at all.Nobody else blogged this weekend,so nothing new to read.Feeling hungry but feeling lazy too.Tomorrow potluck at office ,so didnt cook dinner too.Have to survive until tomorrow,so had oatmeal.Looked left.Looked right.Looked up.Looked down.Found nothing interesting.Tried to feel nostalgic, but how? Opened up old photos on FB.Saw some childhood photos with Sahu.We were cute.Read old comments.Made me smile.Felt good.Saw some more older photos.Liked what I saw.Liked how I looked back then.Looked at myself now.Holy crap.Then came Deluxe.CTS.First company.First project.Late working days.And working weekends.Free lunches.Dutch parties.Appraisals.Questioning the ratings.Discussing confidential matters.Bitching about team leads.PJs.Hardwork.Smartwork.Future planning.Failing.Getting up.Moving ahead.

Vaisakh.Chitti.Srinija.KeertiSreeram.Sudha.Sandeep.Sonia.Srikanth.Adi.Anusha.Nandu.Ramya.

Naga.Radhi.Neha.Swati.Dinesh.Paddu

.A shot crisp email to all the friends that I left behind and didnt catch up.Felt good again.Hungry at 12:30.Bread and jam.Water melon juice.Lonely again.Hubby dear,you better start missing me.

But, a wonderful night.Good night.

Funny innocence..

My sis-in-law's husband came home tired one day.

Sis-in-law : "You are tired ? You look different today..."

 "No mummy.. he is our daddy only.. he is not different"

It was Sashi, their 4 year old daughter, looking closely .

How clever !

Something that I remembered suddenly.It was my b'day in October Sush asked me what I wanted as a gift.

"I want a surprise ! " I said cheerfully !

 That sent him bonkers for a few days because I kept enquiring ( and thus reminding ) how the surprise was coming along.
"Looks like you are doing a good job, because I havent got a clue as to how you are gonna surprise me..I am thrilled ! "

You should have seen that look on his face !

Aren't I clever  :P

Some Random things...

1.Here are 3 of my secret wishes.(Hushhh..please dont tell anybody..)

~ Dance like crazy.Forget I cant dance.Forget there are people around..Forget that I will live the next day too and have to see these people in their eyes.Just dance to the music I love.

 I am scared I will be confined to my home with 2 little kids skimpering around me and then to my age and then eventually die before having my "moments" of dance. I had so few of them.The last one I remember was during my mehndi...when we did a little jig..well..among aunties ,but it was fun !

~  Be a part of Just For Gags.It would be sooo nice if somebody played a prank on you..and you reacted soo well.. somebody shot all of that and then you had a hearty  laugh at the end of it.

I wish somebody would do that to me.Too much to ask? 

~ Drink and get a high.Drool..sway..and stagger..I associate drinking to - Dont remember anything.Find yourself in a mess.Be a mess.Deep slumber.Fresh start.

2.Why do we have to eat 3 times a day ? I seem to be hungry all the time ! Eating is fine....but cooking... just beats me ! Every night I sleep thinking what to cook in the morning for breakfast,lunch and dinner.

I seem to like my cooking.. but my man doesn't seem to share the same opinion.Phew !
And to make matters worse, some  ***hole said  the way to a man's heart is through his stomach - I am sure I am nowhere on the treacherous "way" .


3. You know about the new invention ?BPS ? Budget positioning system?

We invented it.

The minute you spend a 100 bucks , this thing whirrsss around and calculates how many pennies less you would end up with.and what you will have to cut down on.Just like how the GPS "recalculates" when you change direction.
We are running on such a tight budget these days, that when we locked ourselves out from our home, and when we realised we will have to spend 125$ to break open the lock, our BPS didnt stop whirring.
We spent half a day in the car..in the scorching sun.Hungry and tired and dirty ( no bath you see), contemplating what to do.
The irony was, our owner had a duplicate key with him but he chose that weekend to go out of town.
The pesticides company campbell also had a key, but they were closed on a Sunday.Nobody was picking up the phone.
We ran through the list of secretaries' and treasurers' and the you-know-whos' names- ran to their homes to seek help,hoping to hear the golden words ' Oh.. we have another set with us .." or maybe " you can stay with us for the night until your owner comes back !" Dont know what we were expecting.. but we ran from pillar to post to avoid spending those 125 bucks.
This running helped in a different way, when the treasurer suggested we try opening the window or break the lock as they are not too strong.
Luckily for us, we found the window was not latched too properly and we broke into our own home.That was such a relief !
We laughed like crazy after our little mis-adventure.and ofcourse the savings !

4.I got the shock of my life yesterday, from none other than my dear hubby.

Tired of munching on serials and plain puffed rice, deprived of things that fit into the category of "snacks" , we decided we will make grilled sandwich to break the frikkishly boring eating routine.I hunted for that booklet that came with the grilling machine for any tips to make a "good" sandwich.
When I didnt find it anywhere, I turned to Sush for help. He asked me to look in the CSC bag, that is not less than any storehouse.. it has all the bills, receipts, documents from bank, credit unions, insurance etc.

I looked at the messy stack of papers and books in it and sighed.

"I wish we could use a Ctrl + F here too ..."

"Ctrl F ?  Whats that ?!  " That was hubby dearest.

Now you cannot imagine my horror when you know that he had lost it, despite being an IT guy !
I think sitting at home for 3 months without work does that to you.

 October - how I am waiting for you !!


Just some random things - 

Times that are not to be forgotten.

Moments that needed to be remembered.

And  wishes that needed to be reminded... to hold on to them.

The moment of truth

I am not going to write about how I love my mother or how she had been there for me all through my growing years and what a beautiful relationship we share...

I am going to write about that day.. that one fleeting moment.. which made the earth below me slip .. which shook the daylights out of our family.. and gave us a rude reminder that we are ever so vulnerable...



I remember that day .. when mom and dad were making hurried discussions in the bedroom.I was watching TV with my sister .. but I was slightly aware of what was going on in the bedroom.

"Have they gotten into a fight... I just hope not..."

They came out after a few minutes. I saw my mom's face.. it was ashen  pale . We immediately knew she was crying, but was trying to hide that fact.

"We are going out for a couple of minutes...Will be back in 30 minutes.The food is ready.Take care of Grandma"

And then she set off to get ready.I went inside and confronted her gently.

"What happened ma.I know you have been crying.Now dont hide anything.Did you guys have a fight ? Where are you going now ?"

Just then dad came..."Nothing beta.. we didn't fight.. we are just going out to meet somebody"

"Dad .. please.. tell me whats going on.." .They realised I was not going to give in.

Mom broke into tears.Dad took me closer.. hugged me tight.

"Wh...What .. happened ??" There was a look of fear on my face.My heart beat faster.

"We are going to the hospital.Mom has a lump in her chest.And we got to get it tested"

"Wha.. Whatt.... Mom.. you didnt tell me before... when did this happen .. is this..this.. serious..."

"I talked to Dr.Anjali.. and Teja mami... when I first told them about the lump, the first question they asked was if my family had a history of cancer.."

And I knew what this meant.My grandfather, my mom's dad, had died of cancer.We looked at each other in silence and that's when the ground beneath me gave way...

We all hugged tightly.. as if braving to fight off the evil that was trying to shatter our lives.We didnt want my sister and grandma to know any of this..one was too small to take this and one was too old.

We three went to the hospital - Vijaya diagnostic center.My mom was trembling.She went in to take her mammography test, while we waited outside.

My dad had been strong all along.Not a drop of tear.He held us strong.

I was praying hard. She was the most wonderful mom..wonderful wife and the most wonderful daughter-in-law and that's the last thing she should be getting in return.My dad's entire family loved her..treated her like their own daughter. The neighbours respected her..came to her for advice whenever they had a problem.
She used to teach in a school years back, and there are still some students who wish her good morning when they bump into her on the roads.. there are still some parents who greet her as teacher.. there are still some students who send us some Sheer Khurma on every Ramzan...

That's the kind of person she is. So lovable.. so respected.So happy.

And now this . I prayed hard.We need her, dear God.

And then we came back home.The test results will be out the next day.We didn't sleep all night.We just wanted the wait to be over.

The next evening, mom didnt have the courage to see the results herself.So, dad and I went.
We didnt say a word to each other..but we both knew each was praying hard for the most important lady of their lives.

As we collected the reports, my heart was thumping loudly.Then I saw.. my dad's hands trembling.We immediately went to the seating area, and tore open the reports .Thats when we saw the word

"Non-malignant"

My dad wept like a baby.I wept like a baby.We hugged tight.Everybody was looking at us.. but they didnt know what we had been through.They didnt know that my mom was just re-born ...

We went out to the bike..called Mangala ajji.. our family doctor, my dad's aunt.

"Its non-malignant... Dr saab.. Its its....non-malignant ..she is fine...oh I am soo happy ..  " My dad was still crying. I just wonderered how he had held all this while.

Mom was sitting on the sofa.. waiting anxiously.Wishing she would hear exactly what she wanted to hear.She was afraid. She looked at my sister..and grandma.. who were busy reading a book, unaware of what was going on .. She thought of me and dad..

"I want to be here..for them.." I need them.They need me.

When we finally reached home, mom instantly got up and ran into my father's arms.Grandma was shocked..Sahu was shocked.
They came rushing to us... Dad hugged everybody together.. and cried "She is alright .. yahoo !"

There was no dearth to tears of happiness that day. Amidst crying.. hiccups and what not.. we told grandma and sahu the whole story.They hugged her tighter still and that's when we realised - " Mom was a great gift to us.And a greater gift was God just made us realise how much we loved her and how much we needed her".

Mom and dad singing at their 25th anniversary ! Just love them!