I was alone in my hotel room..packing my things.I was travelling back to India the next morning.
As I sat thinking what was next, it suddenly occured to me that I would be married in 2 weeks..my whole life was going to change.. The rest of my life was not going to be nowhere closer to the 25yrs that I lived..my future is going to be no way like my past.. my priorities would change..my family would change..I used to shout at home..now I have to get used to being shouted at ( worst case).. I will have to cook..look after the household chores..look after the needs of in-laws, husband.. I never even knew such things even existed all these days...
Suddenly something came all over me.. I got restless... I dint want to go back.. I was scared.I tried to put these thoughts away, but simply couldnt. What was I running from ? Was it Sushant..? ?Heck no..I have known him for 5 years...and he was the best thing that could have happened to me.. Ours was going to be an inter-caste marriage.. Naturally their priorities and ours differed and we had a few arguments too " Why cant this happen later.." " Why is this so important..?? " "You just dont care about our priorities..."
Was all this taking a toll on me ? Was I worried about my choice ? Will he remain the same ? Will he stand by me when I need him ? He was always there before..then why was I thinking about it now ?Was the fact that I have to live with this decision of mine for the rest of my life wrecking my mind ? Was I worried that it may not turn out to be the perfect wedded life that I always dreamt? No.. I was sensible enough to know that there is no such thing called perfect.. Its just how you see things and handle them and keep them close to perfect. Then what was it ???
I had tears in my eyes when my wedding got postponed from oct 13th..I had so badly wanted to get married then. What is happening to me now ?I had a feeling I was not ready. I had started loving my bachelor days more..I was going crazy .. I wanted to talk to somebody..go out..divert my mind but the reality kept staring hard in my face.There was no escaping... Is this what is called marriage jitters.?Whatever it is called,I was having it then and it felt no good.
I never expected I would feel that way.That made me feel even more worse.
Now.. as I am writing this, I realise I was so silly then. All my fears were baseless..useless .. and I was utterly shameless.That was purely pre-marital jitters.Nothing more.I am as happy as I can be and I couldnt ask for more. :)
As I sat thinking what was next, it suddenly occured to me that I would be married in 2 weeks..my whole life was going to change.. The rest of my life was not going to be nowhere closer to the 25yrs that I lived..my future is going to be no way like my past.. my priorities would change..my family would change..I used to shout at home..now I have to get used to being shouted at ( worst case).. I will have to cook..look after the household chores..look after the needs of in-laws, husband.. I never even knew such things even existed all these days...
Suddenly something came all over me.. I got restless... I dint want to go back.. I was scared.I tried to put these thoughts away, but simply couldnt. What was I running from ? Was it Sushant..? ?Heck no..I have known him for 5 years...and he was the best thing that could have happened to me.. Ours was going to be an inter-caste marriage.. Naturally their priorities and ours differed and we had a few arguments too " Why cant this happen later.." " Why is this so important..?? " "You just dont care about our priorities..."
Was all this taking a toll on me ? Was I worried about my choice ? Will he remain the same ? Will he stand by me when I need him ? He was always there before..then why was I thinking about it now ?Was the fact that I have to live with this decision of mine for the rest of my life wrecking my mind ? Was I worried that it may not turn out to be the perfect wedded life that I always dreamt? No.. I was sensible enough to know that there is no such thing called perfect.. Its just how you see things and handle them and keep them close to perfect. Then what was it ???
I had tears in my eyes when my wedding got postponed from oct 13th..I had so badly wanted to get married then. What is happening to me now ?I had a feeling I was not ready. I had started loving my bachelor days more..I was going crazy .. I wanted to talk to somebody..go out..divert my mind but the reality kept staring hard in my face.There was no escaping... Is this what is called marriage jitters.?Whatever it is called,I was having it then and it felt no good.
I never expected I would feel that way.That made me feel even more worse.
Now.. as I am writing this, I realise I was so silly then. All my fears were baseless..useless .. and I was utterly shameless.That was purely pre-marital jitters.Nothing more.I am as happy as I can be and I couldnt ask for more. :)
Hmm perfect!!!! Always happens with every individual , human nature that when we dont have something we badly wish to happen and will be so desperate and when things gets nearer we get wierd thought .Neways part of life!!! Sooo happyyyy that you are happy and always wish to see same smile on u :-)) :--):-P:-):-)
ReplyDeleteSmitha...
Pre-marital jitters!! That's what makes it exciting... You worry a lot and you find they were all baseless and you get happier than ever...
ReplyDeleteIts only human to feel so. I'm sure it would have been the same even if your wedding was on October 13 :P
You were lucky that you had it only just to weeks before the wedding, I've heard of people have it for over a couple of months... Moreover, you have known Sushanth for so long, consider the trauma of people going through arranged marriages...
Anyways, now that you have come across all that, it time to sit back and enjoy the ride!! Have fun!!
Yah... I agree with you smitha ! It was really wierd !
ReplyDelete@Vaisakh
ReplyDeleteSeriously !I consider myself lucky that way , that I have known Sush long enough.But that feeling I had was scary.I would have almost called off the wedding :P
is this a fiction or a true writing of ur life instance. either ways, u wrote something so deep which people dont have an answer to. Some things are so complicated.
ReplyDelete@Red
ReplyDeleteYeah..it was very complicated !
hey dear ..
ReplyDeleteAfter bachelors when I know I have to go with an arranged marriage and seeing you where you know the guy. I always use to think that my life is going to be horrible than ever, I had a great life till now and when I get married I have to accept the others decision and go with it. Ohh god that was a horrible feeling. But later when I fell in love with preetham and seeing his love I used to think that my rest life is going to be a cake walk. But just before the engagement, you know I was feeling just like you. I was saying god I cant take so many responsibilities, but it was not because of preetham but I dont know much about my in-laws. But now after my engagement I just think that wow, I think my decision was 100^ infinity% right and there could no one as preetham and his parents. They take care of me so much that I feel that they are my parents not in-laws. But still I am sure that I am going to have the same feelings just before my wedding. And no doubt I am going to bug you when ever I am tensed. Anyways by that time you will be proficient in handling the things, there could be no better guru then you my dear.
Meena
@Meena
ReplyDeleteHaha.. proficient ! You were always the one I went to when I had confusions in my mind.. I would be happy to pay back in the same way though I am sure you wouldnt need me :)
You are lucky and you are even more luckier because you know you are lucky :D