I don't remember when I started being okay to being called an 'Aunty'. In my country, anybody you don't know and is older than you, is an Aunty. And it is somehow not a good thing, because it meant you are old. Until a few years ago, I used to scream when someone introduced me as an aunty to their kid. The transition was so smooth, I did not even realize when I had become one.
Have I used the word Aunty enough to put you off now? If not yet, please read on.
I am wondering now what exactly happened. Do I really feel older? Or did I just give up ? I am bordering 30 now, but still feel young. Feel is the catch word, not look. So stop rolling your eyes. So as I was saying, I have the same zest for life like I had 10 years ago. So what changed?
Is it because I am no longer that care-free person with few things on mind and fewer things to worry about ? I am suddenly responsible for so many things in life, like that month-end deliverable, weekend laundry, daily breakfast-lunch-dinner routine, keeping my blog alive, managing my hundreds of interests, that I am feeling all grown-up? And like an icing on the cake of worries, this nagging feeling of 'what-am-I-doing-with-my-life!' as if I am going to die soon. Is it because I am acting more and more out of maturity and obligation and less and less out of how I actually feel? Has it to do with the fact that I do something because its the right thing to do and not because I want to do? I learn to let go because holding on is not an option sometimes? Winning is no more the fire that keeps me burning, but keeping peace is ?
Yeah, I think that's when it all changed.
I grew up. Everybody does, I guess. I am freaking out from inside that I am aging slowly.. touching 30 this year, but more than the number, its the feeling of growing old that is pushing buttons in my mind.
I gotto worry less. Worry. Will I ever stop doing that ?
This reminds me of a question I saw on Facebook. What would you do if you woke up and realized that all these years you lived was just a dream. I would immediately go back to sleep, I answered in my mind. I didn't want to re-do these 29 years. Why did I feel like that, I wonder.
What would you do ?
And how are you handling aging ?
The answer is definitely this :
