She had heard the cliché so many times before, but she really understood the statement now. The silence was indeed deafening. The only sound in the house was from the aquarium, the sound of running water. It was supposed to be soothing, but it was irritating her. And then the voices in her head were becoming too loud in the quietness of her home.
'Everybody else seems to have something to do, but I have turned out to be nothing'
'Shall I join a university? Study? I will be busy atleast..but do we have enough money?'
'I am losing my independence. Oh God, why cant my life be like Ramya's? She goes to work, she earns money, she goes shopping, she is so free and I am so not.'
'Am I useless? Yes, I am. I do nothing. Just sit in the house, cook, eat, and while my time away, and wait for him to come home.'
'What will I answer his Kaku when she asks me what I am upto, again ? What will people think of me? What must be my friends thinking about me ?'
These thoughts raged a war in her head. Every single day. She questioned her very existence. What value was she adding to this world ? It killed her from inside that she was being left behind in whatever race this world was in.
Then something changed. She was home, as usual, TV blaring in the background, but her mind trying to rake up yet another war of thoughts. Some conversation that happened a long time ago kept coming back to her. It didn't have any relevance to what she was undergoing right now, but for some reason, it kept surfacing and overpowered the negative emotion.
"Oh how I envy you! I so love to cook but I never get the time and patience to cook the exotic dishes that you make. My job and Aroo take up all my time."
It suddenly dawned on her, out of the blue that each one of us want different things from this world. And it is most of the times what others have and we do not. She was craving for a job that she didnt have and her friend was craving for time to pursue her passion. Its like the theory of the circle. If you are inside the circle, you want to be out. If you are outside, you want to be inside. Everyone has a chance to build their own story. All they have to do is use what they have.
In her case, it was time.
She found her answer. She would no longer fret about her not having a job. Instead she would spend time understanding what gave her happiness, exploring her interests and finding ways to keep herself productive. She would build an interesting story, not something filled with self pity and repentance.
Suddenly her mind cleared and everything became quiet. And strangely, she seemed to like it.
