Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Saint or a sinner

I want to see hurt
I want to see pain
I don't mind crying once
if I could laugh once again
I want to fall
I want to rise
I don't mind being at fault
If I could be a bit wise
I want to love
I want to be loved
I don't mind the strings
if meaning is what it brings
I have my desires
I have my dreams
I don't mind being selfish at times
even if the whole world screams
They say don't get attached
repent you will, get hurt you will,
what's the point of living I say
if there is no emotional thrill
Learn from the lows
Appreciate the highs
Open your arms
And just embrace life
Life is a blank canvas
let the emotions paint
I would rather be a sinner
than be a Saint.



Monday, September 21, 2015


Irrational. Logic less. Crashing dreams. Bottomless pit. Sleepless nights. Hopelessness. Beyond control. Untold fears. Crossed fingers. Harsh realities. Unfazed faith. Hypocrisy. Desperate measures. Only time will tell. Hope time heals.

That was how most of 2014 was.

For the first time in my life, I desperately wished that God exists and that he will take care of us.

This was a year I wish could be erased from my life, but what it taught me was something that I would always value. They say "Forget the pain, but always remember what it taught you". You become a different person. You either crumble under the pressure or come out strong. You either try to escape it or try to solve it.

I was being the first type of person..until something that I read on facebook changed the way I thought. I got my strength from a facebook post , of all the places and people. It was funny in a way that it was from the most unexpected source.

"You may not control all the events that happen you , but you may choose not to be reduced by you.Above all, be the heroine of your life.. Not the victim."

Maybe that was God's way of passing his message to me.

2014 taught me not to be a hypocrite. We say a 100 good things, but we seldom practice when it is our turn. I was doing the same and this gave me a chance to check my self and act.

It taught me patience. It taught me to deal with the most irrational of situations and most delicate of circumstances. And for the first time, I acted not for myself, but for somebody I love.

It taught me to really understand. Understand and accept. Accepting a situation helps you deal better with it. It gives you strength and peace of mind.

I learnt that things always get better. If you have the willingness to search for happiness, you will find it even in the darkest of hours.

I saw a totally different him. My respect for him increased tremendously. I hate myself for the times I left his side. All that he needed was a shoulder to rest when he was tired, and I denied him that.

It taught me not to take anything for granted. It can be YOU anytime. But that doesn't mean you have to live in fear. It means that "DO" what you want while you can. Go places when there is a chance. Live like there is no tomorrow.

2014 prepared me for life. It toughened me up. Now I am ready .

PS : This was sitting in my drafts since a long time..just happened to post it now.


She is creating ruffles in the entire region. She is making a few of my team members relocate, forced the  management to enforce a freeze and also postponed a production deployment.

No I am not talking about a "hot" employee. Erika is the hurricane that's making its way to Florida and the Caribbean.

She is creating a lot of flutter. We are getting emails to update emergency contact numbers, to stock up our homes with enough food and water, keep the car fuelled. She also triggered conversations about dying and who will inherit the legacy of support management.

I am excited. I have never seen a hurricane. I don't wish for anything drastic or life threatening, but I really hope Erika lives up to the little expectations I have !

And I really hope I have communicated clearly to whoever grants wishes that it should not be life threatening. An experience of sorts, a slight jhatka. I have more often than not been severely reprimanded for having such idiotic ideas, but experiences maketh life.

PS : Nothing happened. Erika ditched us . Not even a drop of rain. It was business as usual.
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