Sunday, June 22, 2014


Did it ever occur to you that you are not what you used to think you are ? Did you ever come face-to-face with a trait that you thought didn't exist in you ?

I guess you really know who you are when you are away from home. Sometimes, when you look in the mirror, you see a different you.All this while, the kind of image of you had built of yourself in your mind no longer seems valid and the worst thing is, you are not quite happy with the revelation.

One harsh thing that I learnt about myself is that I dont miss people much.Even my loved ones.And things.Its not that I dont love them.I love them with all my heart..and they are the most important people to me . But when I am away from them, I kind of get used to being that.Wherever I am.

Is it because I take them for granted ? Does it mean I have become so self-absorbed that I have started to care less ? Is it because I have convinced myself that it is how it is meant to be? Not sure..but I start to feel guilty about it and dislike this side of me.

This hit me first when I got married.The kind of marriage jitters I had before the wedding almost made me think about calling it off and I thought I would miss my home of 25 years, mom n dad, sister, grandma like never before... But there I was, happy like a child , who went on a summer vacation to a new place( yes, my wedding was in summer)! I was surprised and my parents were too.I was always greeted with tears when I went to "mica" and the goodbyes scenes were always a moist-y. My mom cried and cried and she was finally fed up because I wouldn't reciprocate.

I may not be missing them badly.. but I definitely miss their being around..

I miss them most when we all are walking together.. but suddenly have to part ways at the car.They go in theirs and I go with my husband.It suddenly hits me that I dont belong to them anymore.And this emotion never fails to moist my eyes.

I miss the friendly cheerful chats I have with my mom. We crib , gossip and share gyaan together..
I miss comforting ma that its okay to be frustrated.. I miss being the good listener..and pacifier and a good friend to mom.

I miss my father's loving looks he gives after coming home he makes me sit on his lap ( yeah even now ! ) gives that look..and instantly moists his tears. A tear-jerker he is ! I miss his antics, his unique ways of losing and forgetting things and how shamelessly similar we are in this aspect :D

I miss taking mom's side when mom and dad have a fight.I miss the hushed whispers and frantic signals and heart pounding moments when dad is angry and we are trying to hide something from him.Yeah, the entire family conspires against my dad.

I miss my sister..her non-stop chattering..stories of friends.. of friend's friends.. she is my best critic...I miss our silly fights..I miss dominating her..I miss going to movies with her..sharing dresses.. fighting over the cute top that she picked..fighting over losing the favourite ear rings.. fighting over who loves whom the most.. teasing her about the checklist she has for men.
I still recall how I used to hit her when she didnt understand simple math during our school days .She didnt have even an ounce of respect for me ! How she hit me back after I smacked her twice ! The nerve she has! But now, I am glad we can laugh over it.
She always had been a kid to me.She was almost four years younger to me and I never treated her like a grown up. But there were moments where she displayed utmost maturity in dealing with a situation in college and I am absolutely proud of her!

And then comes Ajji, my grandmom..she was always around when no one was at home..when we came back from school, then college and then office.Always waiting to hear the day's stories.Her particular interest was in food.A question that she never misses- what did you eat today ?!
She is a great foodie and I miss teasing her about never being able to say NO to sweets and rice despite being a diabetic :)
And she is an amazing reader.She reads every single word of the Milap that is ordered just for her.She reads the entire "Fursat ka panna" and is up-to-date on all the movies and filmy gossips.

Yes, we were one crazy family.And I am absolutely proud of us.

PS : Framily is family + friends :P

My little sis and me

With mom and dad and a grown-up sister

That lady in white in the middle- thats Ajji.


  1. I think we are soul sisters. I dont miss people much..or maybe I do, but I never realize it.
    I realized this when my school got over and all my friends where crying buckets and I wasnt affected. I had a great school life but I didnt feel a tad bit emotional. Same with college or going away from family for 5 years. I still work far away from home and I wonder if I am weird to not run to them every now and them. I see others do that.

    I miss them too...but in my own little way.

    1. Haha! I guess its okay.. I say to myself that I am tough ! Thanks for reading Red. I have been a silent reader of yours always. Great fan :)


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