Thursday, February 4, 2016

D - The Dreadful Dentist

Disclaimer : Read at your own risk. A very long post and a potential gross-ery bag.

Have you ever been to a dentist ? Ever victimized by the brutalities of masked people who call themselves doctors ? If yes, welcome to the club. If not yet, I wish you will, err , well.

My last dental experience was traumatic, to say the least. I was ushered in by a sweet handsome doctor, with a broad smile. He introduced himself and led me to a small room that had the infamous dentist chair. He tucked me in, covered me with a lead vest  and took care of me like I was a princess. I felt pampered and all excited to have this guy work on my tooth !

A few minutes later, his assistant came in and she explained that they had to get my x-rays done. She pulled out a huge machine from the closet, shoved a big piece of tube with a special piece of paper and asked me to bite it. As I did that, one of the sharp edges was cutting against my gum. "I am so sorry sweety..I know it hurts. Sorry we have to do this to you". I gushed and blushed with the overflow of care they were showing and blurted out "Its alright. You are just doing your job. I will be okay". There - that's your first WARNING sign. You just gave them the green signal unwittingly.

One other things to keep in mind is BRUSH your teeth before you go to see a dentist. Not just rinse. BRUSH. I was such a fool, I had a sumptuous lunch and visited the doctor. Thanks to the advancements made in technology that occasionally brings out disturbing realities, the instruments  that they put in your mouth had small built-in cameras and the patient and the doctor can see the much enlarged version of whatever-portion-of-your-mouth-they-are-interested-in. What I saw on the screen shamed me to death. I wanted to run and hide in a corner. I almost puked. I swore I will never eat dal in my life. The doc went on and on about the cavity he was seeing, but my eyes were stuck at the yellow patch of dal that refused to leave my attention.

When it comes to me, everything has to be a lesson learnt the hard way. Sigh. Now, I brush twice every day.

I was still recovering from the mental derangement when they pushed back the chair to sleeping position and asked me to open my mouth wide. I silently obliged. Two people were peering into my mouth, discussing the cavity and next set of actions. I closed my eyes. I am not sure why I did that. Was it because they were too close or was it to avoid being a witness to a dismal performance, I am not too sure. Whatever it was, I shut my eyes and tried to pretend I was on a beach chair, in Miami.

The doctor put his finger in mouth and opened it wide, all the while pulling and stretching my cheeks. The assistant shoved in a tube all round my mouth that sucked in the saliva. Then I felt something prick real hard and my entire side going numb. It probably was the anesthesia. What's the need , I thought. These doctors in America are overly sensitive and concerned about pain. How much pain will it cause anyway?

Water jets were shot, the horrible sound it makes when it gets into contact with the tooth was appalling. My gums were stabbed. I tried to open my eyes a little, to catch a glimpse of what was going on. The doctor was preparing to setup a drill machine. My mouth was like a construction site. A small open piece of land that you are digging up first to build something. You drill, you use big machinery, you cement. They made a stool out of my chest, dropping and picking tools off it. I never felt so used  in my life.

Having kept my mouth open for about 20 minutes now, my jaws began to hurt. I was scared that they might get locked in that position. So I tried to move them to see if they still functioned as they should." don't wanna do that. Don't move. Or whatever we are fixing will come loose." The doctor threatened me.

I had so many things done to my teeth in a month, so many tools put in my mouth, so many non-edible-clay-like-plaster-of-Paris stuck to my teeth, that all the Syrian refugee stories pale in front of what my mouth had gone through. You go through a myriad of emotions. Shame for feeling exposed, you know, you have bared your mouth to two complete strangers. Along with all its dirty secrets. Worthless for being used like a piece of furniture. Anger for letting them bruise you all over. Pain and misery after you go home and the anesthesia starts to wear off and you cannot drink TEA!

The dentists and their assistants and their receptionists, and the chair , and the tools, and everything and everyone want you hurt and bruised. Mentally, orally and what-not-ally. Don't ever get fooled by the nice-glistening-toothy-pearly-white-grinning-posters that you see on the walls. That's a dream, buddy.

For me, sadly, its not all over yet. I never imagined my own teeth are letting me down like this :\

Take care of your teeth, will ya ? They can come back at you in a way only I can imagine.

PS : It was bad..but not that bad. Just wanted to make it a funny post and I read somewhere that you have exaggerate to make it funny. So. Not my fault if you cry and roll-on-the-floor-like-a-baby to avoid going to a dentist.

Now, have a good laugh. The first thing I do after coming to work is look at this first picture. It gives me a good laugh the rest of the day.

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