I turned 30 ... and I was serious about 30 things before 30 - Part I

I turned 30 this month....aaAAAAND I M BACK with an extremely long post.

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I am internally freaking out that my prime youth is virtually over. Don't give me that age is just a number, its all about how you feel, yada yada yada. Because while it is true, it is NOT entirely true.

What is true is, every birthday after this will be a reminder that I am growing old. That very soon, I will be inching closer to forties (time flies, if you didn't notice). That 30 years appeared to be such a loong loong time but it IS now over. That I am done living the bestest part of life.

Sigh. Before I pass on the melancholic mood and send you reeling back your happy world, lets move on to what I actually intended to write about.

Remember the 30 before 30 post I wrote last year ? Turned out I was serious about it after all . Lets see where I stand, shall we?

Please read that post before you continue. Its important you understand what I am talking about.

1. I did join swimming classes! After being able to float on my back on a lucky day, I was gloating with pride, felt swimming was 'my' thing and got myself enrolled into one.

2. Paintings - duh! Not even one. One - if you call a charcoal sketch of a woman who looked like a man with hair that resembled the scanty burnt hair of the hound in Game of thrones, a qualified sketch, then well yeah, one.

3. The Jimbledon Tennis tournament! Luckily for me, I got two chances in a year. I lost the first one very badly. But I won the doubles junior championship the second time! This was my first biggest achievement if I can call it that. The third set was 6-0. Can you believe it? I couldn't!

The trophy

There is a small story I would want to remember. Phoung, my tennis partner was holding the racket for the first time in preparation for the tournament, but he looked very promising. He was very agile, and a quick learner. As for me, I had played tennis before and thought of myself to be a decent player from a juniors standpoint. So I was kind of okay with the partnership thinking that if Phoung was able to support me just enough, we will stand a chance. By the end of the tournament, it turned out that I was playing the supporting role and Phoung was all out, leading and charging and smashing the opponents!

I was never so much embarrassed with my vanity.

This being one of my big achievements this year, there is one guy who stood by my side, cheering, coaching, and supporting all the time. There were times when I didnt cook for many days in a row, and times when we came home late, tired after a game and cooked together because we missed a good warm home cooked meal. He never complained, never expected me to stay home and cook, but actually dragged me to the tennis court with him. And when I won that night, he didn't lose a moment to order Biryanis for everyone who came to cheer, and have a mini celebration.

Thank you Sush.

Now since this is turning out to be a pain-painstakingly elaborate post (not for me), I have just now decided to break it into two parts, 15 goals in each. So please tie yourself to that chair a little while longer.

4. Books. By blogger standards, I wouldn't even qualify as a 'reader', but I was able to catch up on reading this year. I read The Ice twins, 15 Invaluable laws of growth, The Palace of illusions,The creation of Eve, To Kill a MockingBird and Lean In. Barely met my target.

5. Organize a cultural event - Nah.

6. Writing - Yes, I am pretty satisfied with my effort. I didnt think I could, but I managed to successfully complete the A-Z challenge the first time, and have been writing fairly regularly. Pat on my back! Yay. No. Don't roll your eyes.

7. Trying to gyrate to Nagada sang dhol made me realize I am no Deepika Padukone. I have immense respect for her now. I was just lucky I didnt break my back trying to mimic her.

8. Butterfly wall decor DIY ! Yay! How does it look?

9. Ahem. This one I thought I nailed it. But then I had to keep explaining to people that no, its not my eye liner that got smudged but its called the smokey eye makeup. People can be so ignorant sometimes.

10. Curling hair at home. This needs extreme talent. All you genius people out there, take a bow. I gave this one up after attempting to curl my hair one evening, entangling them so much so that the curl brush refused to budge even one bit. I had to take Sush's help to detangle my hair and after one painful hour, ended up cutting the bristles of the brush one by one. I never dared to try it again.

11. Ish bin hungrish. Guten Tag. Gute Nacht. Guten Morgan. This is all I knew one year ago. And this is all I know now.

12. 10 new items ! What was I thinking? :O Mmmm, let me see. Vegetable bean


soup, Sweet corn soup, Roasted garlic brussel sprouts, multi grain dosa, instant oats dosa, sweet pongal, kesari, Mexican Quesadilla, Telangana pachi pulusu,  Beetroot rice. What were you thinking? I didn't know even these before, okay? I was a pathetic cook. I still am.

13. This one, I was fairly committed. I either biked or played tennis or went for a walk. I even went to Zumba twice a week with a gang of friends.

14. 10:30. 11:00. Sometimes 12:00. Earlier, it was always 12:00. Progress right?

15. Well, this was like a Sine curve. Few days I put Ram Dev Baba to shame. Some days I put a sloth to shame. But its still on. Haven't given up on it yet. People, take your body seriously. It feels so good when you can bend it the way you want to.


To Be Continued....

What happens behind the closed doors of an office restroom

It started as a drizzle, faint trickles slowly ballooning into torrential downpour. The only sound in an otherwise pin drop silence. I shifted in my seat uncomfortably as the sound decided not to recede. Please forgive me for being so blatantly gross, but what's with this woman? Pouring gallons and gallons of it. She must have had the largest urinary bladder in the world, I bet. She must have been busy too, otherwise who would wait until the bladder burst? Wait, isn't this too much personal information to deduce? Is the woman analyzing the same thing about me?! The design is so invasive that anybody can guess the pressure/urgency/size of my bladder and I am not sure I like it :\

I don't know why, but I have this irresistible urge to bend down and see who is next to me. I mean, I do not see the whole person, but I do get a glimpse of the shoes, thanks to the 2-foot gap and there is a 1% chance that I might know that person. Once I even blurted out a 'Howdy X! What's up?' evoking complete silence for a full 30 sec.

Besides those that come in thundering, do their job and leave, there are people who are there for a long time. Absolutely no sound. They are just there. Either thinking, or relieving themselves of bigger things due to lack of time in the mornings. These kind of people are embarrassed about letting others know that they are there. So they pretend to not exist. But little do they know that the smell of the Apple scented air freshener hastily sprayed gives them away. I then know its time to hold my breath a little longer.

And then, there are people who are more vocal about their presence. They decide that is the best place to resolve issues. They have arguments over phone, completely oblivious to the fact that others might be listening. It is either the bitchy mother-in-law or a stupid customer care guy. If you happen to be lucky and its all in English, you get your share of meat. You can either stick around longer to see how it ends or walk away in a sprint to spit it out on the first person you meet.

Hold on, there is more nastiness to deal with. Making it more disgusting is the fact that it is a CORPORATE office restroom. Well dressed professionals work here. So my head went for a spin when I saw people using the toilets royally and then promptly forgetting to flush. Many a times I found myself reeling back in disbelief, shock and repugnance at the sheer lack of basic etiquette. The mental trauma I underwent was so deep rooted that I refused to go to that south side restroom for a good one month. It is for this reason, if I ever have the power to do something about it, I would install cameras in all the restrooms, catch such persons red handed and let them do a walk of shame. Oh, how I would love that! The mere thought is giving me goosebumps.

Bathrooms surprise you like no other. Like those set of people who take things in their literary sense. For example, the boss might have said, 'Go, Judy, make a mark.' And lo, Judy decides to leave her foot prints everywhere, on the toilet seat cover, on the flush, wherever her feet can reach instead of her hands. She literally did what she was asked to do. And what would I want to do to such people? I leave it to your imagination.

There, I said it all. All of my bathroom woes. What is your story?


PS : This post is just supposed to be funny and not offensive. I really hope people take it in the right spirit!
While looking for a picture to go with my post, I stumbled upon some hilarious toilet quotes. I literally ROFL-ed.  Hope you enjoy them too!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 
 

D - The Dreadful Dentist

Disclaimer : Read at your own risk. A very long post and a potential gross-ery bag.

Have you ever been to a dentist ? Ever victimized by the brutalities of masked people who call themselves doctors ? If yes, welcome to the club. If not yet, I wish you will, err , well.

My last dental experience was traumatic, to say the least. I was ushered in by a sweet handsome doctor, with a broad smile. He introduced himself and led me to a small room that had the infamous dentist chair. He tucked me in, covered me with a lead vest  and took care of me like I was a princess. I felt pampered and all excited to have this guy work on my tooth !

A few minutes later, his assistant came in and she explained that they had to get my x-rays done. She pulled out a huge machine from the closet, shoved a big piece of tube with a special piece of paper and asked me to bite it. As I did that, one of the sharp edges was cutting against my gum. "I am so sorry sweety..I know it hurts. Sorry we have to do this to you". I gushed and blushed with the overflow of care they were showing and blurted out "Its alright. You are just doing your job. I will be okay". There - that's your first WARNING sign. You just gave them the green signal unwittingly.

One other things to keep in mind is BRUSH your teeth before you go to see a dentist. Not just rinse. BRUSH. I was such a fool, I had a sumptuous lunch and visited the doctor. Thanks to the advancements made in technology that occasionally brings out disturbing realities, the instruments  that they put in your mouth had small built-in cameras and the patient and the doctor can see the much enlarged version of whatever-portion-of-your-mouth-they-are-interested-in. What I saw on the screen shamed me to death. I wanted to run and hide in a corner. I almost puked. I swore I will never eat dal in my life. The doc went on and on about the cavity he was seeing, but my eyes were stuck at the yellow patch of dal that refused to leave my attention.

When it comes to me, everything has to be a lesson learnt the hard way. Sigh. Now, I brush twice every day.

I was still recovering from the mental derangement when they pushed back the chair to sleeping position and asked me to open my mouth wide. I silently obliged. Two people were peering into my mouth, discussing the cavity and next set of actions. I closed my eyes. I am not sure why I did that. Was it because they were too close or was it to avoid being a witness to a dismal performance, I am not too sure. Whatever it was, I shut my eyes and tried to pretend I was on a beach chair, in Miami.

The doctor put his finger in mouth and opened it wide, all the while pulling and stretching my cheeks. The assistant shoved in a tube all round my mouth that sucked in the saliva. Then I felt something prick real hard and my entire side going numb. It probably was the anesthesia. What's the need , I thought. These doctors in America are overly sensitive and concerned about pain. How much pain will it cause anyway?

Water jets were shot, the horrible sound it makes when it gets into contact with the tooth was appalling. My gums were stabbed. I tried to open my eyes a little, to catch a glimpse of what was going on. The doctor was preparing to setup a drill machine. My mouth was like a construction site. A small open piece of land that you are digging up first to build something. You drill, you use big machinery, you cement. They made a stool out of my chest, dropping and picking tools off it. I never felt so used  in my life.

Having kept my mouth open for about 20 minutes now, my jaws began to hurt. I was scared that they might get locked in that position. So I tried to move them to see if they still functioned as they should."Noo..you don't wanna do that. Don't move. Or whatever we are fixing will come loose." The doctor threatened me.

I had so many things done to my teeth in a month, so many tools put in my mouth, so many non-edible-clay-like-plaster-of-Paris stuck to my teeth, that all the Syrian refugee stories pale in front of what my mouth had gone through. You go through a myriad of emotions. Shame for feeling exposed, you know, you have bared your mouth to two complete strangers. Along with all its dirty secrets. Worthless for being used like a piece of furniture. Anger for letting them bruise you all over. Pain and misery after you go home and the anesthesia starts to wear off and you cannot drink TEA!

The dentists and their assistants and their receptionists, and the chair , and the tools, and everything and everyone want you hurt and bruised. Mentally, orally and what-not-ally. Don't ever get fooled by the nice-glistening-toothy-pearly-white-grinning-posters that you see on the walls. That's a dream, buddy.

For me, sadly, its not all over yet. I never imagined my own teeth are letting me down like this :\

Take care of your teeth, will ya ? They can come back at you in a way only I can imagine.


PS : It was bad..but not that bad. Just wanted to make it a funny post and I read somewhere that you have exaggerate to make it funny. So. Not my fault if you cry and roll-on-the-floor-like-a-baby to avoid going to a dentist.

Now, have a good laugh. The first thing I do after coming to work is look at this first picture. It gives me a good laugh the rest of the day.

Ignorance is bliss

"I definitely think it was worth the money ", I said after coming back from a 6 hour boat ride in the backwaters.

"Do you know how much it cost us?" he asked amused.

"I don't know."

Anchored at Keewaydin Island,Naples,Florida.