Its just not Enuf !!

It was a lazy afternoon.The day was dragging on slowly..without much happening.The morning was spent browsing the newspaper,messing up in the kitchen and then idling.. desperate to do something fun ...

I opened my wardrobe ..( dunno wot made me to ); and a pile of clothes fell down.I looked at them in utter disgust and decided I had to revamp my clothe-line. It had been aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages  since I shopped( if you can call 1 month ages ) and the thought made the ride in the scorching sun less un-bearable !

Koti is my usual adda to loot and burn a big hole in my pocket.I  planted my bike in between 2 more bikes , making mine stick out more onto the road.The shop wallah glared at me because I blocked the way into his shop..the pedestrians were angry that I left no room for them to walk... but who cares ! I was off shopping !
I said "paanch min mein aaungi bhayya..." and darted off !!

I walked along..slowly.. letting my eyes savor all the colors .. all the designs .. all the varieties .. A blue color bandhini dress , with lighter shades at the bottom looked tempting... I thought it was perfect, I can carry the color well.. i was conjuring up a design as to how i should stitch it when I realized i had a similar dress but of a different color !Aaah.... my heart almost broke !
There can never be two similar dresses ..mind u !

I dunno if it happens with everybody.. but I like every damn thing on sale there.. I always wish I had enough money to buy atleast 1 thing from every shop ! The colorful earrings... bangles.. dresses... nailpolishes....bracelets.. clutches... u name it , I want it !  :D


My eyes are never on the road... with 3 bags in hands ( yea.. I finished my shopping.. had come  prepared to buy 3 dresses but ended up buying 6 !! ) I was still checking out the ones hung outside... I seemed to like them more than wot I had just bought .. Even when the shop fellow pulled out materials from his shelf,my eyes always went after the dresses the lady beside me was looking at ! He was making every pathetic attempt to satisfy me..telling me how well the contrast will work on me.. how beautifully u can stitch it.. but I had lost my heart out to that beautiful pink dress the lady had just packed.. phew !

I dunno if every gal feels this way ..( most of them do ) but I feel like owning a clothes store.. so I can try alllll of them ! I want to earn enuf money to buy Kothi itself ! Or mayb  marry a person who can own it :P

I was back home... showed  them to my mom....

" there was this pretty dress ma.. pink color .. it was very different... the print was.....................................................................................   "


My heart was still with that pink dress ....

Why do I blog ??

As my title clearly indicates , this is going to be a rather simple and short post ...

I was thinking the other day ( I sumtimes think..trust me ) how and why I started blogging ?

As far as my memory can take me , I cannot recollect a single moment where I had the urge to write .. to give a form to my thoughts .. where I was overflowing with ideas and looking for ways to capture them ...

I dont have any pre-conceived notions about anything .. I dont strongly criticize or condemn anything ..I am neither philosophical nor religious .. Simply put , I am not at all a thinker .. just a simple ordinary person...

I have one small desire though .. desire to capture my moments, moments I may never experience again .. moments I may forget when days pass .. thoughts that cross my mind which may never occur to me again.. how/what I used to think when I was 20 sumthing... the good and the bad.. everything I can about me .. my life .. my ppl..

And this is how I do.. I saved my 2 months salary when I started my career as a school teacher ( recession time u know .. cognizant was later) and bought a camera. I always yearned for one since college..

The first time when Aishu tried to walk .. the times when we frnds had a good laugh .. the times when there were 4 pairs of hands but one tiffin box ... how my face changed from when I was a kid to what I am now .. These are worth going back to ..

And then the feelings....

They can only be felt .. and written ...

When I turn 60 something..when my memory starts failing me ...when I have time to sit back and ponder...think about my best and worst times .. i will have my blog to go back to !

PS : In short , My blog is my life's running notes ....

Time to change shoes..

When I look at my dad...

He doesnt look the same these days.He is getting older and the various tests life puts him through are proving to be tough and more than he bargained for..

When I look at his eyes..

I can see they are tired.. and i can also see that they are trying harder to hold back the twinkle that always reminded me of his childlike energy.


When I look at his face..

The once tough face appears withdrawn..
there are more lines now, each telling a story that screams of hard work...


I realised this when he picked me up from office one day..on his bike.The once strong hold that he had, how deftly he used to maneuver through the enormous traffic.His strength fails him now.He was unable to drive steadily..especially with me behind.. his hands ached and his head throbbed..
I said.."Baba..you are getting old..."

He is tough, but the sailing seems to be tougher..The outbursts have increased,patience levels dipping lower n lower.Pain seems more painful and less endurable..

And when I look at him again.. I remember the times when,instead of being grateful that he still picks me up from the bus stop after a hectic day, I got impatient with him for being a little late,.. the times I got irritated instead of hearing him out patiently when he told me something twice so I wudnt forget.. the times when I answered him back when I should have taken it in my stride... the times when I was blind enough not to have seen that all he needed was a little patience and more care..

...and I hate myself..

He is trying ..trying hard to remain the same he was 10 yrs ago.Back then,he could easily work 15 hrs a day..walk miles of distance.. and yet manage to take us out for dinner or rush to somebody who needed him..without a wince..without a whine...And he is trying because he has no son who can look after bigger things.I try to fit into that role...to relieve him of the burdens that I can shoulder instead.. but its still limited.

But I try to bring him to face reality.He is not 40 something man now,with loads of overflowing vigor.He is bordering 60 and should have the much needed rest.

When I look at my dad now..I feel so proud.Here is my dad who knows no limits to benevolence.. has endless time for family... who goes an extra mile to keep his word..who carries his absent-mindedness gracefully..who can cry while watching kabhi khushi kabhi gham and yet lament "what third-class movie it was !"....

And when I look at my dad.. How secure I feel.. I can always remain his little kid and he , my strong father.How I want to keep him happy...

PS: This is for all those who have parents hovering around 60s or more.. to let them know that times have changed..and its time we change our shoes...time to exchange roles... and stand by them.

After reading this, you will love to fail...

Failure doesnt mean you are a failure..
It does mean you havent succeeded yet.

Failure doesnt mean you have accomplished nothing..
It does mean you have learned something.

Failure doesnt mean you have been a fool..
It does mean you had a lot of faith.

Failure doesnt mean you have been disgraced..
It does mean you were willing to try.

Failure doesnt mean you dont have it..
It does mean you have to do something in a different way.

Failure doesnt mean you are inferior..
It does mean you are not perfect.

Failure doesnt mean you have wasted your life..
It does mean you have a reason to start afresh.

Failure doesnt mean you should give up..
It does mean you should try harder.

Failure doesnt mean you will never make it..
It does mean you will take a little longer.

Failure doesnt mean God has abandoned you..
It does mean God has a better idea !!!

Let go and let God...

As children bring their broken toys
with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God
because he was my friend.
But, then instead of leaving him
in peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help
with ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried,
"How can You be so slow?"
"My child",He said ,"what could I do?
"You never did let go."

PS : Read it somewhere...

God has not promised that our skies will always be blue, but He has promised to see us through.