G - Goosebumps

There were camera lights flashing everywhere. Excited cousins and aunts were vying to be in every frame. I stood there. Watching. As two people signed up for a lifetime of togetherness. The sudden outburst of shehnai gave me goose bumps. It was happening. At that precise moment, things changed. For the father, the mother, the daughter, the groom, their friends. Everybody close to the two people. I realized how everyone standing there lost a portion of something they had held so dearly for so long. And yet, there was happiness deep down. The promise of new beginnings and hope of lifelong love, perhaps.

In all the pretentiousness and extravagance of our Indian weddings, there is this moment of truth that goes unnoticed. It is so easy to lose this moment, lose it to the flashes of the camera and the hurried directions of the pundit. It is so easy to not see the pain and tear escaping the father's eyes. It is so easy to miss the earnest look in the bride's soulful eyes, looking for some kind of comfort that she is taking the right step. You have to look, closely. You might see yourself. Listen, and you might hear your own story.

As I battled my emotions, I saw my mom across the mandap. Tears welled up in her eyes too. Maybe she was reminded of the time she gave her daughter away.

F - Fitness

Hi there !

I am talking to you girl , to the woman you would be in 5 years from now.

How are you ? Juggling kids, jobs and home must be taking a toll on you. I am sure you are in the race for being the good wife, the perfect mother and the best employee, and in the chaos of it all, I hope you have thought about the perfect you.

Are you able to run after your kids to play tag or do you find it easy to shove an ipad into their hands ? Does that make you tired , playing with kids ? They want to see you energetic and fun-loving, to be around them, to be friends with them, to do things with them. Are your hectic day and aching joints denying them that ?

Do you still find time to bike around your community that you once so used to love ? I know there are 100 other things that you would rather use the time for, but still, wouldn't it be nice to indulge in your interests sometimes.

Like for a typical Indian woman, does your day start with cooking and end with cooking , with little or no time to look after yourself ? Like our mothers, do you think running around the house packing lunches, cleaning the kitchen and feeding the kids qualify as the "necessary" physical exercise your body needs ? Like all of us do, do you just apply that zandu balm for relief whenever your back aches with all the neglect and stress you have been giving it ?

What is your plan for the future ? Do you intend to take it as it comes or prepare well to prevent some common problems that have become so rampant? Does it scare you , to see your mom, who was so hale and hearty, suddenly ridden with problems ? It does to me. I wish she had treated her fitness as equally as looking after the family. More than the problem, she hates the feeling of being dependent .And I know, I wouldn't like that either.

I have gotten my act together now. I do not want to wait until my 40s to contract thyroid or sugar to make walking my daily routine. I do not want a Physiotherapist to tell me to make yoga part of my routine. I want to be able to run after my kids. To be able to squat when I want to and spring up when needed. I want to be able to play tennis in my free time. I want to continue biking or swimming when I need to clear my head of stress. More importantly, I want to be able to do all these with my kids.

You might argue that it is how it is. 90% of women we know have been through exactly the same thing. Mommy, chachi, neighbor aunty, colleagues. Yes, but no.
No, its not a norm to have a full grown belly after delivery. You can absolutely get back in shape.
No, its not usual to be occupied with household chores and not have time to do 30 min of yoga.
No, its not natural to have forgone all the things you liked to do because you have kids now and more important things to look after.

I can say that because of what I see here, in the US. I see 50 year olds who look younger and fitter than me. I see 60 year old couples playing tennis in the park. I see a woman, old enough to be my mother, teaching zumba with that raw, wild energy I so clearly lack. I see them and wonder why we never did all these back home. Why it took us so long to embrace yoga, that too only after the west practiced and promoted it so religiously. Why gym was a fancy place only rich/self-obsessed kids go to.

So here I am, asking you to take out sometime for yourself. Urging you to treat your health importantly. Skip that soap on TV or wake up 30 minutes early or plan your day better, but do something. Before it becomes absolutely necessary.

I have made fitness my life goal. I will try to work out either by biking/ swimming/ tennis/ zumba dancing 4 hours a week. I found Shilpa Shetty yoga on you tube a good start for beginners. You can start doing it on weekends and once you remember the asanas, it takes a maximum of 30 minutes to finish it.

So woman, buckle up and be the super girl you want to be. Eat healthy. Stay healthy.

PS : This is not just for women. Holds equally true to men who have left their fitness in the rat hole.

Some tips that can help.

1. First, eat healthy.

2. Eat small, frequent meals.

3. Drink lot of water. I used to drink only 2-3 glasses a day. But now, I add mint leaves and some lemon to my 1-liter water bottle. That makes me more thirsty and easily drink 3 litres now. Find out ways that work for you.

4. Practise yoga every morning. It is for your overall body fitness. With an unfit body , you cannot do any other form of exercise. So first strengthen your muscles.

5. Pick up a routine. Get a bike or take up a sport. Or get a membership in a gym. If you have to stay home, treadmill works best.

6. Plan your day better. To save time, decide the menu for the week beforehand. Share chores with
 spouse.

7.Start slow. With weekends.

E - Empty

Empty. Like a body without soul.

Empty. Like a mind crowded with meaningless thoughts.

Empty. Like a pursuit without goal.

Empty. Like a broken promise.

Empty. Like a hollow laugh.

Empty. Like a misplaced heart.
Empty. And craving for some emotion.

Empty. Like living without life.

D - The Dreadful Dentist

Disclaimer : Read at your own risk. A very long post and a potential gross-ery bag.

Have you ever been to a dentist ? Ever victimized by the brutalities of masked people who call themselves doctors ? If yes, welcome to the club. If not yet, I wish you will, err , well.

My last dental experience was traumatic, to say the least. I was ushered in by a sweet handsome doctor, with a broad smile. He introduced himself and led me to a small room that had the infamous dentist chair. He tucked me in, covered me with a lead vest  and took care of me like I was a princess. I felt pampered and all excited to have this guy work on my tooth !

A few minutes later, his assistant came in and she explained that they had to get my x-rays done. She pulled out a huge machine from the closet, shoved a big piece of tube with a special piece of paper and asked me to bite it. As I did that, one of the sharp edges was cutting against my gum. "I am so sorry sweety..I know it hurts. Sorry we have to do this to you". I gushed and blushed with the overflow of care they were showing and blurted out "Its alright. You are just doing your job. I will be okay". There - that's your first WARNING sign. You just gave them the green signal unwittingly.

One other things to keep in mind is BRUSH your teeth before you go to see a dentist. Not just rinse. BRUSH. I was such a fool, I had a sumptuous lunch and visited the doctor. Thanks to the advancements made in technology that occasionally brings out disturbing realities, the instruments  that they put in your mouth had small built-in cameras and the patient and the doctor can see the much enlarged version of whatever-portion-of-your-mouth-they-are-interested-in. What I saw on the screen shamed me to death. I wanted to run and hide in a corner. I almost puked. I swore I will never eat dal in my life. The doc went on and on about the cavity he was seeing, but my eyes were stuck at the yellow patch of dal that refused to leave my attention.

When it comes to me, everything has to be a lesson learnt the hard way. Sigh. Now, I brush twice every day.

I was still recovering from the mental derangement when they pushed back the chair to sleeping position and asked me to open my mouth wide. I silently obliged. Two people were peering into my mouth, discussing the cavity and next set of actions. I closed my eyes. I am not sure why I did that. Was it because they were too close or was it to avoid being a witness to a dismal performance, I am not too sure. Whatever it was, I shut my eyes and tried to pretend I was on a beach chair, in Miami.

The doctor put his finger in mouth and opened it wide, all the while pulling and stretching my cheeks. The assistant shoved in a tube all round my mouth that sucked in the saliva. Then I felt something prick real hard and my entire side going numb. It probably was the anesthesia. What's the need , I thought. These doctors in America are overly sensitive and concerned about pain. How much pain will it cause anyway?

Water jets were shot, the horrible sound it makes when it gets into contact with the tooth was appalling. My gums were stabbed. I tried to open my eyes a little, to catch a glimpse of what was going on. The doctor was preparing to setup a drill machine. My mouth was like a construction site. A small open piece of land that you are digging up first to build something. You drill, you use big machinery, you cement. They made a stool out of my chest, dropping and picking tools off it. I never felt so used  in my life.

Having kept my mouth open for about 20 minutes now, my jaws began to hurt. I was scared that they might get locked in that position. So I tried to move them to see if they still functioned as they should."Noo..you don't wanna do that. Don't move. Or whatever we are fixing will come loose." The doctor threatened me.

I had so many things done to my teeth in a month, so many tools put in my mouth, so many non-edible-clay-like-plaster-of-Paris stuck to my teeth, that all the Syrian refugee stories pale in front of what my mouth had gone through. You go through a myriad of emotions. Shame for feeling exposed, you know, you have bared your mouth to two complete strangers. Along with all its dirty secrets. Worthless for being used like a piece of furniture. Anger for letting them bruise you all over. Pain and misery after you go home and the anesthesia starts to wear off and you cannot drink TEA!

The dentists and their assistants and their receptionists, and the chair , and the tools, and everything and everyone want you hurt and bruised. Mentally, orally and what-not-ally. Don't ever get fooled by the nice-glistening-toothy-pearly-white-grinning-posters that you see on the walls. That's a dream, buddy.

For me, sadly, its not all over yet. I never imagined my own teeth are letting me down like this :\

Take care of your teeth, will ya ? They can come back at you in a way only I can imagine.


PS : It was bad..but not that bad. Just wanted to make it a funny post and I read somewhere that you have exaggerate to make it funny. So. Not my fault if you cry and roll-on-the-floor-like-a-baby to avoid going to a dentist.

Now, have a good laugh. The first thing I do after coming to work is look at this first picture. It gives me a good laugh the rest of the day.

C - Casino

We live near a casino.So close that we can see it from our balcony, right across the road. Three years ago,it didn't matter. Because we were a bunch of morons , innocence writ large on our foreheads.For us ,gambling was a sin and we would be such misfits, saints that we were.

We took baby steps into the gambling world. We were first introduced to poker by our friends here.Every Friday, we would all gather at one of our houses, waiting for the guy with the smugglers-briefcase-type-looking-poker-suitcase.It was an addictive game that can be played with large groups..A combination of more of luck and a little bit of skill.I say skill because, it challenges you to take risks at the right time, study people's mindset and bluff at the right time. If applied sensibly, you can win a lot of chips.We were hooked to this game..played weekend after weekend, until dawn. We were so naive at that time that we refused to play with money.Even if it was just a dollar or a two. Play with money huh? We value money and don't play with it for God's sake !

That was two years ago.


And now.Here goes the story.

"Why are you late !?? I just asked you to get a couple of things from Walmart.What is taking you so long?" I was screaming into the phone.

"Er..I am in the casino.I got all your things. Dont worry.Will be home in a few minutes."

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A message popped up on my whatsapp. It was a video from Sush. I looked at the still image as it was downloading and immediately went red.I could think of a hundred curses I was ready to blurt out.The download finished and it showed some numbers reeling very fast and then saw "Jackpot" somewhere. The number stopped at 35000.Then I saw sush pull out a receipt that showed 350.00.

My expression changed as fast as the light of speed and I was glowing like a 1000 watt bulb.
I was so proud of him.

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Ofcourse we had to go to Las Vegas.It would have been such a sin not to.


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"Did you find a good hotel?"

"Oh Yes..It is awesome and it has a casino!"

This was 2 days after we left Vegas, and travelling to a different city.

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"This casino is not interesting anymore. After seeing Vegas, this one doesnt excite me much" , Sush referring to the fact that there were no human dealers in the one where we lived.They were all machines with the same women appearing in the same dress, looking the same and saying the same things.

I was delighted when I heard this.He is losing interest now!

"I should probably start going to Seminole."

I would kill this man someday.

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Casinos are really fun.There are so many interesting games that really need you to strategize how you want to place your bets.Like the roulette.Black Jack is my favourite.Its a simple game but very intriguing. The pile of money on your side fluctuates like a sine wave.The trick is knowing when to call it a day.If you are on a winning streak, know that it wont last long.

My man's funda is simple. To have fun. He plays until he has emptied his pockets. He usually takes 30-40 bucks and plays as long as Goddess Lakshmi is on his side.And if by fluke accident he wins and gets some money home, his hand and brain would be itching to go back and spend it all.

So why do people go to casinos?Why do they gamble their hard earned money?

1.Laziness.People are attracted to easy ways of making money. But what they dont realize is how much they had been losing before they made than elusive win.

2.Adrenaline rush. Because it involves a little of risk taking which you wouldn't normally take in your day-to-day life, it begins to feel adventurous.The sense of anticipation, your decisions going right create a sense of vanity in you and you end up taking more bold chances.

3.You are tricked.Casinos have many tricks up their sleeve to keep bringing back the customers. One of them being cashing in on the near misses . There is nothing worse than "Almost winning".You are made to believe that you narrowly missed that big win.From Slot machine cherries that repeatedly fail to line up by just one symbol to Roulette where the dice landed on the immediate next number, or the paltry wins that encourage you to bet one more time, everything is a huge manipulation and exploitation of human psychology.

4.Pure fun. For many people these days, its just one week of overtime work . What if you lose, you can recover it in a day.Or for some , its just another harmless way of spending money for entertainment.Its the same as spending money to watch a movie.You get to play as long as you stick.
The live music, food and drinks allure people to the idea of having a great night life.

Personally, anything in limits is acceptable to me. Gambling gives you a high, provides entertainment, you can even make some money if you are lucky, and sometimes you lose some. As long as you are able to resist the urge to there again, you are not in danger zone.

PS - Dedicated to Sush :)