Fighter.

Shit does happen.

And yeah, it doesn't just happen to somebody, it can happen to you.Your once perfect world can crumble.

She knew it was coming.She knew there was no escaping it.She is not even sure if she can pick up the pieces and move on .It scared her to think that it may never be the same again.She wanted to scream "Why me??" but she is mature enough not to.

It was like she was being plunged into a pit of darkness,all signs of light fading fast.

It was like all the doors were closing and she is stuck,with reality.

She wanted to call him every hour, She wanted to hear his voice.She wanted to be assured that things are alright.Though he never really said it,she wished to see that assurance in his voice.She was afraid to ask how he was holding up, because she knew that one vulnerable moment and he will crumble too.

Everything that they had built together was coming down bit by bit in front of their eyes.They both knew they gave everything they could to save it, but it kept slipping until one day, it just crashed to the ground.

She looked beside her and saw him.She needs to be strong.She knows she is a fighter and  fight she will.With him.For him.

Framily

Did it ever occur to you that you are not what you used to think you are ? Did you ever come face-to-face with a trait that you thought didn't exist in you ?

I guess you really know who you are when you are away from home. Sometimes, when you look in the mirror, you see a different you.All this while, the kind of image of you had built of yourself in your mind no longer seems valid and the worst thing is, you are not quite happy with the revelation.

One harsh thing that I learnt about myself is that I dont miss people much.Even my loved ones.And things.Its not that I dont love them.I love them with all my heart..and they are the most important people to me . But when I am away from them, I kind of get used to being that.Wherever I am.

Is it because I take them for granted ? Does it mean I have become so self-absorbed that I have started to care less ? Is it because I have convinced myself that it is how it is meant to be? Not sure..but I start to feel guilty about it and dislike this side of me.

This hit me first when I got married.The kind of marriage jitters I had before the wedding almost made me think about calling it off and I thought I would miss my home of 25 years, mom n dad, sister, grandma like never before... But there I was, happy like a child , who went on a summer vacation to a new place( yes, my wedding was in summer)! I was surprised and my parents were too.I was always greeted with tears when I went to "mica" and the goodbyes scenes were always a moist-y. My mom cried and cried and she was finally fed up because I wouldn't reciprocate.


I may not be missing them badly.. but I definitely miss their being around..

I miss them most when we all are walking together.. but suddenly have to part ways at the car.They go in theirs and I go with my husband.It suddenly hits me that I dont belong to them anymore.And this emotion never fails to moist my eyes.

I miss the friendly cheerful chats I have with my mom. We crib , gossip and share gyaan together..
I miss comforting ma that its okay to be frustrated.. I miss being the good listener..and pacifier and a good friend to mom.

I miss my father's loving looks he gives after coming home tired..how he makes me sit on his lap ( yeah even now ! ) gives that look..and instantly moists his tears. A tear-jerker he is ! I miss his antics, his unique ways of losing and forgetting things and how shamelessly similar we are in this aspect :D

I miss taking mom's side when mom and dad have a fight.I miss the hushed whispers and frantic signals and heart pounding moments when dad is angry and we are trying to hide something from him.Yeah, the entire family conspires against my dad.


I miss my sister..her non-stop chattering..stories of friends.. of friend's friends.. she is my best critic...I miss our silly fights..I miss dominating her..I miss going to movies with her..sharing dresses.. fighting over the cute top that she picked..fighting over losing the favourite ear rings.. fighting over who loves whom the most.. teasing her about the checklist she has for men.
I still recall how I used to hit her when she didnt understand simple math during our school days .She didnt have even an ounce of respect for me ! How she hit me back after I smacked her twice ! The nerve she has! But now, I am glad we can laugh over it.
She always had been a kid to me.She was almost four years younger to me and I never treated her like a grown up. But there were moments where she displayed utmost maturity in dealing with a situation in college and I am absolutely proud of her!

And then comes Ajji, my grandmom..she was always around when no one was at home..when we came back from school, then college and then office.Always waiting to hear the day's stories.Her particular interest was in food.A question that she never misses- what did you eat today ?!
She is a great foodie and I miss teasing her about never being able to say NO to sweets and rice despite being a diabetic :)
And she is an amazing reader.She reads every single word of the Milap that is ordered just for her.She reads the entire "Fursat ka panna" and is up-to-date on all the movies and filmy gossips.

Yes, we were one crazy family.And I am absolutely proud of us.

PS : Framily is family + friends :P

My little sis and me

With mom and dad and a grown-up sister

That lady in white in the middle- thats Ajji.

Ignorance is bliss

"I definitely think it was worth the money ", I said after coming back from a 6 hour boat ride in the backwaters.

"Do you know how much it cost us?" he asked amused.

"I don't know."

Anchored at Keewaydin Island,Naples,Florida.

The empty cup

She looked out of the window,sipping her hot cocoa, the hot flames misting a small portion  of the glass door of her patio.She ran her fingers over it..doodling her name.

It started as a slight drizzle first but now it was gaining strength.It was still gentle..but firm as if saying it was here to stay.

Rain somehow made her nostalgic.She was amused at how it brought back memories buried in time.Maybe because you suddenly feel grateful for the warmth of your house..the warmth of the loved ones beside you,she thought.It breaks the pace at which you were running and lets you sit and ponder.It gives you those precious moments to yourself where you just sit back and let your mind take a free trip down the memory lane.

What she loved the most about rain was it gave hope.Everything looks so beautiful and perfect that you begin to believe that you can be happy all over again.That you can start afresh.

She looked at the empty cup on the tea-poy and felt lonely.She missed the second cup which would have been there had he been there.Her thoughts went back to that day they both sat in the very same couch,sipping coffee,staring at the rain pouring away in all its glory.It was a long while ago.

She remembered she was hungry and she had mentioned that to him.He was lost in his own world and didnt respond.

"I am hungryyyyy" she reiterated, a little louder this time.

This time he had turned. "What do you want me to do..cut a body part of mine and offer you to eat ?" He had said with a naughty grin on his face.They had both laughed then.It still echoed in her ears.

That was 40 years ago.Its funny how she still remembered every detail of it.Its the rain,she again thought.It revived memories she had long forgotten.If only rain could bring him back.She always found the withered flower spring back to life after it rained.If only....

She sighed,picked up her cane and limped back into the house,pushing away tears that blurred her eyes momentarily .

Broccoli

Ummmmmm...

How many of you like the smaller version of a bushy green tree with a thick foliage ?

I absolutely love it.I love how it turns green when you boil it.The smell it oozes out.I am still not sure if I like its taste..because I inadvertantly devour it for its color.I find it very tempting..beckoning ...And when you add carrots to it, you just cannot resist the combination.Green.Orange.Deadly.

I made this Broccoli-egg casserole for breakfast one day and it turned out yummy.

OK.I lied.It was not that yummy.Ok.I didnt make it right.But it was worth a try.